Hiroshima Maidens is currently a World history good article nominee. Nominated by Spookyaki (talk) at 22:37, 28 December 2024 (UTC) An editor has indicated a willingness to review the article in accordance with the good article criteria and will decide whether or not to list it as a good article. Comments are welcome from any editor who has not nominated or contributed significantly to this article. This review will be closed by the first reviewer. To add comments to this review, click discuss review and edit the page. Short description: Group of Japanese women disfigured by atomic bomb |
Hiroshima Maidens (final version) received a peer review by Wikipedia editors, which on 28 December 2024 was archived. It may contain ideas you can use to improve this article. |
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External links modified
editHello fellow Wikipedians,
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to keep me off the page altogether, but should be used as a last resort. I made the following changes:
- Attempted to fix sourcing for http://www.wagingpeace.org/articles/1999/00/00_matsubara_spirit-hiroshima.php
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Reference 7 possibly broken?
editThe archive linked doesn't appear to be working correctly.
Edit: I found the correct link, it should be this: https://www.cbc.ca/archives/entry/hiroshima-bombing-was-justified-says-survivor
"Cite error" Can anyone please assist? I'm utterly new to editing on Wikipedia, but have just now viewed a video that is referred to as "missing as of 2004". I wanted to offer the link to the relevant video, but have been quite clumsy in my effort.
editNeed help cirrecting my error. The link is valid, but my handling of the format seems a dud. Catnug (talk) 09:31, 6 August 2020 (UTC)
Planned improvements
editHello! I am planning on improving this article as part of WikiProject Women in Green. My goals are (a) to expand the article while also re-centering its focus on the maidens (some segments focus too heavily on Tanimoto, who has his own article), (b) to improve the article's sources, and (c) to improve the article's prose. I will be working in my sandbox, so there will probably be a huge edit coming through once I'm done. You can check on my progress there. I am a fairly new editor, so I apologize if I make mistakes. If there are issues with my edits, please let me know and we can discuss it here. Thank you! Spookyaki (talk) 01:55, 23 November 2024 (UTC)
- Okay, edits done! There's a lot going on. Some major (but not exhaustive) notes:
- Opted to go with Personal name-Surname name order, since that is what is used in most English sources.
- Removed the video. It's interesting, and the caption is also very interesting and detailed. However, it's ultimately only tenuously related to this article and the caption is uncited.
- Removed some extraneous material about Tanimoto. As I said, it's more appropriate for his own article.
- Expanded a lot on the Maidens' time in America.
- The "Atomic Bomb Maidens" section is interesting, but a bit too essay-like (see WP:NOTESSAY) and not really supported by the sources in most cases. I removed it.
- I added a section on critical interpretations of the Maidens project ("Interpretations and criticism") that incorporates scholarly interpretations of the Maidens project. I pulled from as many sources as I could find, but I'm still personally not sure if it constitutes something like WP:OR. If anyone has any thoughts, I'd love to hear them.
- Removed the paragraph about Masako Tachibana. It's interesting, but I could not find any documentation about it. The source cited is a defunct CBC video that, as an archive, no longer plays. I also am pretty sure that Masako Tachibana was not one of the 25 Maidens who traveled to the United States.
- Added a "Legacy" section. Includes some of what was previously in the "In popular culture" section.
- Expanded the list of Maidens. I'm honestly not sure that the list is necessary, but I appreciate that it's included and wanted to get all 25 Maidens if I could. I think I succeeded. I believe (but cannot confirm) that the 25 names listed under the "To" section of The Hiroshima Maidens: A Story of Courage, Compassion, and Survival are them, but I tried to find them in other sources just in case (since it is not explicitly specified).
- Some may question my reliance on Barker, given the criticism of him discussed in the article. While he's not perfect as a source, he does, as Chung Simpson says, give "the most comprehensive story of the 1955 project". Most of the academic sources cite him when it comes to biographical details. It would be pretty much impossible to give a complete picture of the Maidens' experience without his work.
- I think that's the major stuff. I am now going to submit for peer review. Thanks everyone for your patience! Spookyaki (talk) 20:45, 4 December 2024 (UTC)
GA Review
editGA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
- This review is transcluded from Talk:Hiroshima Maidens/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: Spookyaki (talk · contribs) 22:37, 28 December 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Borsoka (talk · contribs) 07:38, 5 January 2025 (UTC)
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria
- Is it well written?
- A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
- B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
- A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
- Is it verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check?
- A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
- B. Reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):
- C. It contains no original research:
- D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
- A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
- Is it broad in its coverage?
- A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
- B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
- A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
- Is it neutral?
- It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
- It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
- Is it stable?
- It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
- It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
- Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
- A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:
- B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
- A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:
- Overall:
- Pass or Fail:
- Pass or Fail:
Source review
- Academic sources of high standard and reliable newspapers are cited.
I think Lewis (1998) is the only journal with a reference to the publisher and the place of publication. Why?- No particular reason. I'll try to add more publisher information if possible, though I'm not sure where Critical Military Studies, the Journal for Peace and Nuclear Disarmament, or Gender & History are published (physically). Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
Comments
I would add a "Further" template listing Atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and Acute radiation syndrome under section title "Origins", and delete the first referred article from section "See also".- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
- Could you translate the term "hibakusha" in the main text?
- It actually was translated when I submitted the article. It was removed by an editor who said that they "...removed [the] purported but ludicrous literal translation. (People who want to know more can go to the article!)" For now, I will add the translation that's on the Hibakusha article, but I think I'll also reach out to that editor for their opinion to see if there is a better translation that they can supply. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
- Okay, so this is discussed on the hibakusha page, but hibakusha seems to be a difficult word to translate. It can have multiple valid meanings depending on the kanji used (and perhaps also the reading of said kanji), so it has been suggested that supplying a singular literal translation is perhaps not advisable and that linking the page without a translation is preferable. I will leave it up to you whether the translation should stay or go. Spookyaki (talk) 03:48, 7 January 2025 (UTC)
Link Ionizing radiation to radiation in the third sentence of section "Raising support in Japan".- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
After the bombing,... Delete.- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
- ...who feared that their disfigurements would damage the family's reputation Some context or explanation?
- "For most of their adult lives, the young women had been kept out of sight by their embarrassed families, who understood their disfigurements as subjective reflections on their families’ status rather than as the objective effects of atomic warfare." (Serlin, p. 56) That's what the source says.
- Barker possibly offers the following explanation: "A society that placed such great emphasis upon aesthetic presentation and losing face in every sense offered no place for their kind. Some were kept in back rooms for years by parents ashamed of them, while others were so afraid of public ridicule that whenever they ventured out in daylight they scurried down side streets with shawls wrapped tightly around their bent heads." However, for reasons discussed in the article, I'm not sure how trustworthy Barker is when discussing Japanese culture, particularly aspects he sees as negative. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
- Some explanation is needed in the text . If you think Barker's explanation is biased, ignore it. Borsoka (talk) 02:32, 7 January 2025 (UTC)
- I'll see what I can find. Spookyaki (talk) 03:29, 7 January 2025 (UTC)
- Ended up going with "Radiation sickness sufferers were stigmatized in Japanese society, and hibakusha's injuries were often seen as shameful. Many of the women had been hidden away by their families, who feared that their disfigurements would damage their family's reputation." How is that?
- Barker possibly offers the following explanation: "A society that placed such great emphasis upon aesthetic presentation and losing face in every sense offered no place for their kind. Some were kept in back rooms for years by parents ashamed of them, while others were so afraid of public ridicule that whenever they ventured out in daylight they scurried down side streets with shawls wrapped tightly around their bent heads." However, for reasons discussed in the article, I'm not sure how trustworthy Barker is when discussing Japanese culture, particularly aspects he sees as negative. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
- I would integrate footnote "a" into the main text.
- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
- I think you deleted it instead of intergrating.
- It's under "Raising support in Japan," which seemed like a natural place to put it. "Numerous people experienced deep flash burns from heat rays, as well as hair loss and purpura from the radiation. Many of the flash burns developed into keloid scars." Spookyaki (talk) 02:35, 7 January 2025 (UTC)
- I think you deleted it instead of intergrating.
- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
Link Japanese war criminals.- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
...after seven years... I do not understand. Did this happen in 1952? If yes, clarify it.- Yeah, I had a lot of trouble with that sentence. None of the sources say exactly when this visit happened, though Miyamoto says that "after 1952, when the governance over Sugamo was transferred from the SCAP to Japan, the prison became a popular tourist site in Tokyo" and that "in 1952, the petition to release war criminals from the prison culminated," so it seems likely that it did happen in 1952.
- I amended it to say "While there, they met with Japanese war criminals, expressing sympathy for them and claiming that while they once held a grudge against them, since so much time had passed since the war ended, they had '[begun] to realize that the war criminals’ plight was the same as theirs'." How is that? Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
...begin undergoing... Repharase.- Changed to "undergo". Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
Link Mount Sinai Hospital (Manhattan).- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
The Quakers offered to provide lodging for the Maidens... Link Quakers. Do we know why?- Changed to "Due to their pacifist beliefs, Cousins asked the Quakers to provide lodging for the maidens. They agreed to volunteer their homes as 'retreats' for the Maidens." Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
Link State Department.- It is linked: "While the United States Department of State initially opposed the project..." Should I link it again under "Arrival and press coverage"? Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
Link graft to Graft (surgery).- Where? Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
- Already linked. :)
- Where? Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
...who inspired the creation of the group,... Why not past perfect?- Changed to past perfect. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
I would mention that Mount Sinai Morninstar Hospital is in New York.- Done. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)
Very interesting and nicely written article. Borsoka (talk) 08:41, 5 January 2025 (UTC)
- (Lead): ... as victims of Cold War propaganda and cultural assimilation Victims or tools? Borsoka (talk) 02:32, 7 January 2025 (UTC)
- Probably both to some degree, but "tools" does seem more precise. Spookyaki (talk) 03:29, 7 January 2025 (UTC)
- Thank you for taking this review! I am having a pain flare up, so might not be able to begin working in earnest on this until tomorrow. Spookyaki (talk) 15:09, 5 January 2025 (UTC)
- Minor note, I added the sentence "In 1980, she testified before the United States Senate about the health impacts of nuclear weapons" in reference to Shigeko Niimoto based on a source that came out after the nomination. Spookyaki (talk) 19:19, 6 January 2025 (UTC)