Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II" from season 1, which aired on March 3, 2001.

[The episode begins at SpongeBob's house.]
French Narrator: Ah, [the scene zooms into the house] Saturday morning in Bikini Bottom. [the scene fades to the living room. SpongeBob is next to his chair at the table that normally holds the shellphone. He is sitting on a stool. On the table, there is a box of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Bran Flakes and a Mermaid Man Bowl.] SpongeBob is watching his favorite Saturday morning show: [The scene pans into SpongeBob.] The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [It cuts to a medium shot of the cereal and bowl.] Enjoying a bowl of Mermaid Man [SpongeBob grabs the box and pours in the cereal. The breakfast biters fall out.] and Barnacle Boy Bran Cereal, [SpongeBob tosses the box away and grabs the breakfast biters.] and wearing the official Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy breakfast biters.
TV Announcer: Mermaid Man... [SpongeBob smiles.] fleet [The TV is shown. Mermaid Man is hooked down.] and forceful! [The scene quickly pans into the TV, showing what is on it.] By the power of Neptune. Aided by his young ward... [nothing happens] Aided by his young ward... [Barnacle Boy comes dolling down with a rope attached to him and crashes] ...protecting the sea with feats of strength and agility. [both try to flex their muscles, but break their backs. They both look at each other.]
Mermaid Man: To the chiropractor! Away!
[A live action glove of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy come together and transition to the next scene, which features a spotlight of cardboard cutouts of the Sinister Slug, Atomic Flounder, and Jumbo Shrimp.]
TV Announcer: Fighting a rogues gallery of villains [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump into the scene. It then cuts to a close-up of the Sinister Slug cutout.] like the Sinister Slug, [Barnacle Boy hits it and a pow-bubble with "PROP!" appears. It cuts to a medium shot of the Atomic Flounder cutout.] the Atomic Flounder... [Mermaid Man kicks it and a pow-bubble with "CARDBOARD!" appears. It cuts to a wide shot of the cut out of the Jumbo Shrimp.] and the dreaded Jumbo Shrimp! [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy punch it. A pow-bubble with "LAME" appears. It cuts to a medium shot of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with their rings.] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy [It cuts to a close-up of the hands joining.] unite! [when the rings unite, sparks appear and then is starts to smoke up. The "Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy" title card appears. The Realistic Fish Head then appears on a watery background.]
Realistic Fish Head: Hey, kids, are you ready to hear the winner of this week's contest?
[The scene cuts to SpongeBob. He grabs his TV.]
SpongeBob: [While shaking his TV.] I'm ready! I'm ready!
[The scene cuts to show a close up of the TV, which has a close up of the Realistic Fish Head.]
Realistic Fish Head: Our winner will receive a special secret collector's [Red question marks appear and fade next to the Realistic Fish Head's head.] item from The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! [a small card comes down] And the winner is... [It cuts to SpongeBob, who chatters his teeth. It then cuts back to the Realistic Fish Head, who is now wearing glasses.] SpringBoob SquirePin.
[The scene cuts back to SpongeBob, who now has Gary next to him.]
SpongeBob: Aw. I worked forever on those life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
[The scene cuts back to back to the TV, where the Realistic Fish Head is in front of the Krabby Patty mannequins.]
Realistic Fish Head: ...for these life-size Krabby Patty mannequins of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
[The scene cuts back to SpongeBob and Gary.]
SpongeBob: Hey! SpringBoob SquirePin stole my idea!
[The scene cuts back to the TV, where the Realistic Fish Head is in front of the watery background again.]
Realistic Fish Head: [a phone drops and the fish on the other line talks quickly and indistinguishably.] What's that? Oh. It appears I've made a slight error in pronunciation. [It cuts to his full-body.] The real name of the winner is... [It cuts to SpongeBob and Gary.] SpongeBob SquarePants!
[The scene cuts to the pineapple performing a backflip as SpongeBob celebrates.]
SpongeBob: Whahoo! [cut to inside] Oh, I wonder when my [The scene pans out to show the Newsie Fish, holding a package.] prize will... [SpongeBob notices the fish.] get here... [SpongeBob takes the package.] My prize! [SpongeBob starts to cry and the Newsie fish holds out a tissue box. SpongeBob grabs the tissue and the Newsie fish runs away. SpongeBob kneels down and sets down the box. It tears open the box. He gasps.] Can it be? It is. [The scene changes angles to show the back of SpongeBob, from a distance.] The conch signal. [He turns around and holds up the conch signal.] From The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [He turns back around and then holds up conch signal again.] As seen on TV. [The scene cuts to a mid-shot of SpongeBob holding the conch signal close to himself.] I wonder if it still works.
[SpongeBob runs to window and blows into it. The scene cuts to the exterior of Shady Shoals as the conch signal continues. It then cuts to Mermaid Man, who is sleeping and Barnacle Boy, sitting on their couch, inside. Mermaid Man wakes up.]
Mermaid Man: The conch signal! [He and Barnacle Boy jump up.] To the Invisible Boatmobile!
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy then jump back into their seats. The couch turns around and the run, reveals an underground passage way. The couch's back bends backwards, sending them down a slide.]
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: [While they are sliding.] Ah! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Ah! Ah! Ooh!
[The two then start falling downwards, upright because the slide corrected their position, into the Mermalair. Their butts start to catch fire. The two stop in mid-air, which puts out the fire.]
Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Yes, Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: We're not in the Invisible Boatmobile, are we?
Mermaid Man: Uh, nope.
[The two fall onto the ground and stand up. They walk around, holding out their hands to look for the Invisible Boatmobile.]
Barnacle Boy: I told you making the boatmobile invisible was a stupid idea.
Mermaid Man: Boatmobile! Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Barnacle Boy: It's gotta be here somewhere? [He hits the back of boat] Ow! Oh, Mermaid Man, [While the keys are heard] I think I...
Mermaid Man: [Off-screen] Found it! [He turns on the boat and the back end burns Barnacle Boy.] C'mon, get a move on, son. [As Barnacle Boy walks to the front of the boat.] We don't have all day.
[Barnacle Boy sits down.]
Barnacle Boy: Ignition... [As he pushes a button] on.
Mermaid Man: Throttle... [As he pulls a lever up] on.
[The Invisible Boatmobile goes through a corridor. The exterior of Shady Shoals is shown. The ramp leading to the front goes up, and the Invisible Boatmobile flies out of it. It then goes around a corner. The scene cuts back to SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Hmm. [He goes back inside to Gary.] Maybe the conch signal doesn't work anymore.
[Gary meows. A tire screeching, and a shrieking cat are heard outside.]
Mermaid Man: [Off-screen] Activate torpedo mode! Fire! [His head crashes through the wall, next to SpongeBob's door.] Mermaid Man...
[Barnacle Boy's head crashes through the door, causing the wheel on the interior to fall off, making him dazed.]
Barnacle Boy: ...And Bobicle Bob...
[The door falls on the ground with Barnacle Boy's head still in it.]
SpongeBob: I can't believe it, Gary. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in our home.
[SpongeBob runs to the door and Gary meows. Mermaid Man dusts off Barnacle Boy.]
SpongeBob: Excuse me, I'm...
Mermaid Man: [points at SpongeBob] Oh, my Neptune! He's been horribly disfigured! Oh, blast us! We're too late!
Barnacle Boy: Oh, please. He's not disfigured. He's-he's just that sponge kid again.
Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. Good to see you, lad. Say, Barnacle Boy, we gotta find out where that conch signal came from.
SpongeBob: Oh, that was me. I blew the conch signal, sir.
Mermaid Man: Alright. Where's the danger, son? Bring it on. Bring it on!
SpongeBob: Don't worry. There's no danger.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: No danger?
Barnacle Boy: Look, there has to be danger. You blew the conch signal. And when you blow the... where'd you get that thing anyway?
SpongeBob: I won it in a contest.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: [off-screen] Contest?
Mermaid Man: They don't tell us anything anymore.
Barnacle Boy: Look, Spongy, that ain't no toy.
Mermaid Man: That's right. The conch signal is an awesome responsibility. We're duty-bound to help whenever it sounds.
Barnacle Boy: But you only blow it when there's trouble, or there'll be trouble. You got that?
SpongeBob: Yes, sirs!
Mermaid Man: Good boy.
[Mermaid Man pats SpongeBob on the head. He and Barnacle Boy leave. Mermaid Man turns back and he and SpongeBob point at each other and make a clicking noise.]
Barnacle Boy: [tapping his foot] Come on, come on, [Mermaid Man turns around.] come on. They're serving meatloaf today.
[Mermaid Man walks out the door.]
Mermaid Man: [As he and Barnacle Boy walk away, SpongeBob walks to the door.] Oh, goody.
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mermaid Man. You won't be hearing from me for just anything. Only for the big emergencies.
[Bubble transition to the interior of Shady Shoals, where Barnacle Boy, who is wearing a swimsuit, bangs on the bathroom door.]
Barnacle Boy: [While banging on bathroom door] Will you hurry up in there? And save me some hot wat...
[The conch signal is heard. Mermaid Man, who is wearing a towel, kicks down the door, which lands on top of Barnacle Boy.]
Mermaid Man: The conch signal! Come, young ward!
[Mermaid Man runs away.]
Barnacle Boy: [crushed] Coming!
[Mermaid Man jumps onto the couch. Barnacle Boy, holding his swimsuit, wobbles onto the chair. Because the two entered the couch too quickly, a spring goes back and springs them forward through the rug, down onto the slide. They slide down on their faces first, and Mermaid Man's towel flies off. The whirlpool transition shows a bird's eye-view of SpongeBob's living room. He is laying on the ground with his eyes shut and his tongue out. Gary is next to him. There is also a spot light on him. The tire squealing and the cat shrieking is second yowl is heard. The angle changes. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy run into the living room. Mermaid Man stands behind Gary and Barnacle Boy gives Mermaid Man a new towel. Gary crawls away.]
Mermaid Man: Oh... youth! Cut down in its prime! [SpongeBob moans.] Oh, speak to me, son.
[Mermaid Man picks SpongeBob up.]
SpongeBob: Help... Can't... [He lifts a jar of mayo.] open mayonnaise.
Barnacle Boy: What?! [The scene cuts to the front door of the pineapple. The door opens.] [While he is pushing Mermaid Man out the door.] I come down in my underwear to open a jar of mayonnaise?! [He stops and the two turn around.]
SpongeBob: But...
Barnacle Boy: But nothing! We can't go around socializing. We have to be prepared for, uh, emergencies.
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, think about it. Emergencies don't come around as often as they used to.
Barnacle Boy: Alright, okay. You can blow the conch every once in a while. Just give us [He takes the jar of mayo.] something to do when we [while he struggles to open the jar of mayo.] show up.
SpongeBob and Mermaid Man: [While jumping in the air.] Yay!
[Bubble transition to the Shady Shoals Rest Home cafeteria, where Barnacle Boy is eating soup. The conch signal blows as he grabs a spoon full of soup. He blows on it and Mermaid Man grabs Barnacle Boy's arm, while running, which causes him to drop the spoon.]
Mermaid Man: Danger!
[At SpongeBob's house, in his bathroom, Mermaid Man fixes SpongeBob's sink and Barnacle boy unclogs SpongeBob's shower drain. SpongeBob is shown blowing the conch signal. It then cuts to the library, where Mermaid Man is on a ladder, holding a book, and Mermaid Man is holding Mermaid Man's butt, so that he doesn't fall. SpongeBob is shown blowing the conch signal. It cuts to the living room, where he is in a barber's chair, reading the newspaper, Mermaid Man is shining SpongeBob's shoes, and Barnacle Boy is giving him a head massage. It then cuts to SpongeBob, at night, on his house, using the conch signal. It then cuts to SpongeBob, in bed, next to a teddy bear. Mermaid Man is reading a book and Barnacle Boy is holding milk and plate of cookies. It cuts to SpongeBob blowing the conch signal three different times. On the last time, Barnacle Boy takes it out of SpongeBob's mouth.]
Barnacle Boy: Alright, that's it! Gimme that! You're running us ragged.
Mermaid Man: [While crawling on the walkway of SpongeBob's house.] Must... must answer clarion call!
[Mermaid Man collapses.]
Barnacle Boy: We're exhausted!
SpongeBob: [While tearing up] I'm sorry, Barnacle Boy. I didn't mean it. I... just wanted to spend time with you. You're my heroes!
[SpongeBob starts crying.]
Barnacle Boy: [While SpongeBob is crying] It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my... [echoing] sulfur vision! [He tries to use his sulfur vision to destroy the conch but is unsuccessful. He tries again, but he still doesn't succeed.] Well, I'll destroy it when I get back to the [Puts the conch in his pocket], uh, Mermalair. Uh, and as for you...
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, [While getting up.] don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow. Or the villain. Besides, I remember another [He takes out a picture.] young [The image shows Barnacle Boy as a kid.] whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero. [chuckles]
Barnacle Boy: You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot.
[Mermaid Man walks up to SpongeBob, still crying]
Mermaid Man: Maybe the conch signal is too much responsibility. [SpongeBob stops crying.] But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol?
Barnacle Boy: What?
Mermaid Man: [While he and SpongeBob are running to the Invisible Boatmobile] To the Invisible Boatmobile! [Barnacle Boy becomes angry]
[The scene fades to later. Barnacle Boy is still angry while riding on the Invisible Boatmobile with SpongeBob and Mermaid Man.]
SpongeBob: Oh...
SpongeBob and Mermaid Man: [singing] Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and SpongeBob, who is now wearing a superhero outfit, is shown in the Invisible Boatmobile, which is driving down the street.] Barnacle Boy laid an egg, The Invisible Boatmobile, [The Invisible Boatmobile stops at a red light.] lost a wheel and...
SpongeBob: Hey, [moves to the driver's seat] can I drive?
Barnacle Boy: Drive? What do you know about driving the Invisible Boatmobile?
SpongeBob: Tons! Like the windshield wipers are right here. [pushes a button]
Barnacle Boy: Don't touch that button, that's the...! [Invisible Boatmobile folds into an origami swan] ...Origami button.
[Bubble transition to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy scouting on top of a building.]
Mermaid Man: When you patrol in the city, you'll always have to be vigilant. On your toes. [Turn to the right side of the building] Constantly alert. Always expect the unexpected. [Turn back to the left of the building. SpongeBob is on the edge]
SpongeBob: Hey! [scares Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and they fall off the building, screaming. SpongeBob goes to the rooftop] I've got the doughnuts!
[Bubble transition to the Atomic Flounder waiting at a bus stop. Back to SpongeBob, Mermaid Man, and Barnacle Boy riding on the boatmobile.]
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: [resume singing] ...lost a wheel and Barnacle Boy laid an egg. Hey-hey!
Mermaid Man: Oh, that fellow over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know he doesn't look like much, but he could go back to crime... [snaps fingers] ...just like that. [he and Barnacle Boy laugh]
Atomic Flounder: [SpongeBob pins the Atomic Flounder on the ground] Help! Help! Help! Somebody there?
SpongeBob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder.
Mermaid Man: Stop, kid. Stop! Let him go.
SpongeBob: But you said he could snap... [snaps fingers] ...just like that.
Atomic Flounder: What?! Get off of me! [pushes SpongeBob away] If I weren't retired, I'd, I'd... [roars and breathes radiation on Barnacle Boy's face. Barnacle Boy's head glows red and explodes into a miniature mushroom cloud, leaving it charred] ...do that. [leaves] Out of my way, punk!
[Bubble transition to The Diner.]
SpongeBob: I can't believe it. I rode in the Invisible Boatmobile, met a villain, [a sandwich is served] and learned to treat third-degree burns, all in one day. So, what are we going to do tomorrow?
Barnacle Boy: Uh, uh, say, kid, why don't you take this nickel and go up there and see if our theme song in on the jukebox?
SpongeBob: Okay. [goes to the jukebox]
Mermaid Man: You know, for a pain in the neck, he's a pretty nice kid.
Barnacle Boy: Let's ditch him.
Mermaid Man: I'm right behind you.
SpongeBob: [looking through the selection of songs] It doesn't seem to be here.
Barnacle Boy: Oh, it's there, all right.
Mermaid Man: Keep looking. Diligence. Diligence. [He and Barnacle Boy leave The Diner.]
SpongeBob: [salutes] Aye, aye, sir. [looks again]
[The scene cuts to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy chuckling while heading to the boatmobile.]
Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit.
Mermaid Man: Wh-what's the matter?
Barnacle Boy: Where did we park the Invisible Boatmobile?
[The scene cuts to the jukebox.]
SpongeBob: Aw, that's the 15th time I've looked. [deep voice] But I can't let my heroes down. [looks again]
[Back to outside.]
Mermaid Man: Boatmobile, where are you? [tries to find it] Barnacle Boy, I found it. [turns engine on and Barnacle Boy gets burned again]
Dirty Bubble: [laughs evilly] Still getting burned on that tail pipe, huh, Barnacle Boy? [laughs evilly]
Barnacle Boy: It's the Dirty Bubble!
Mermaid Man: In all his dirty roundness! [screams as the Dirty Bubble continues to laugh evilly]
Barnacle Boy: Oh, no!
SpongeBob: [back to inside The Diner] I found it and it's the special dance mix!
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy: [trapped inside the Dirty Bubble] Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!
SpongeBob: Holy Krabby Patties! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's arch nemesis: The Dirty Bubble! [leaves The Diner and attempts to rescue Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy] I can't believe it!
Dirty Bubble: [laughs evilly] You cannot save them, Sponge of Mystery! They are trapped by my awesome surface tension! [laughs evilly]
SpongeBob: You don't understand! You're my most favorite super villain. Can I have your autograph? [gets out a notepad and a sharp pencil as the point on the pencil glints]
Dirty Bubble: Oh, no! [Runs away as SpongeBob walks to him while pointing the pencil at him] Oh, oh, no, you fool, stay back! The point. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Watch the point now! [The Dirty Bubble screams when SpongeBob pops the Dirty Bubble with the pencil]
Mermaid Man: Aha! You saved us, son. [grabs SpongeBob]
Barnacle Boy: Yeah, y-you're a hero.
SpongeBob: I am? [Both Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy grab him by the legs.]
Mermaid Man: Are you up for another ride in the Invisible Boatmobile?
[Bubble transition to the three riding on the boatmobile.]
SpongeBob: Oh...
SpongeBob & Mermaid Man: Jingle bells, Mermaid Man smells, Barnacle Boy laid an egg...
All: The Dirty Bubble popped and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and SpongeBob got away! Yeah! Hooray!
Barnacle Boy: Watch out! [Short Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy stinger plays as the episode ends.]

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II/transcript

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