Garrard ConleyReviews

tale of a young man who, as a result of his homosexuality, is _targeted by fundamentalist Christians. That his parents approved of this treatment is the saddest part.½

This is why I hold an issue with extremists in religion hijacking who a person truly is to fit what they believe is right in God’s image of us is honestly heartbreaking.

Garrard Conley is gay and finally comes out to his parents. His father is a Baptist minister. He grew up in a strict, but loving home. His parents send him to a Tennessee program called "Love in Action" a gay conversion program. Garrard is sometimes able to stay with his mother in a motel when she visits. He tells her of the program. In time, his parents come to realize the program isn't working and they must accept him as he is.½

Why Does Different Have to Be Wrong?

There was a time when psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, and psychologists considered homosexuality a disorder and experimented with a variety of techniques for curing the condition, the most notorious being transorbital lobotomies, torturous aversion therapies, mentally damaging blame the victim abuse, to name a few. In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality as a disorder from the DSM-I. This, however, did not stop groups from pursuing ways to pressure individuals into changing their sexuality, or at least suppress it. In fact, currently, only a handful of jurisdictions in the United States prohibit what Garrard Conley writes about in novelistic memoir, Boy Erased. Love in Action (LIA), of which Conley writes, still operates, now under the name Restoration Path. John Smid, a real person appearing in Conley’s book, now admits that he was wrong, and acknowledges his homosexuality; in 2014, he married his spouse, Larry McQueen. You can detect bitterness at the end of Conley’s life story regarding the ex-gay leaders who now admit to the harm they did.

Conley recounts when a fellow student at his college who had raped him outed him to his parents. Both were very religious people, fundamentalists. Conley’s father owned a car dealership wherein he not only sold cars but proselytized to buyers and held prayer meetings with his employees. At the time, his father was on the verge of beginning a new life as an ordained pastor in the local Ministry Baptist Church. As for Conley, he appeared on the outside to be an ideal prospective minister’s son, replete with beautiful and popular girlfriend.

Conley’s parents were not the harsh types. They thought perhaps they had done something wrong, that maybe he was medically defective in some curable way, that professional help would put him back on the Christian path. LIA, which came highly recommended to them, seemed like a good option.

Conley recounts his time at LIA and with leader John Smid. LIA subjected Conley and the others to conversion therapy. This version, as explained by Conley, employed a 12-step approach. It forced participants to look deep into their family histories for issues, among them alcoholism, spousal abuse, and the like, that might account for the subjects’ aberrant behavior. As you might imagine, constantly dredging for problems, continually trying to prise from yourself some reason for your sexual abnormality, this unrelenting type of self-flagellation could lead to dangerous mental instability.

Coupled with this was Conley’s fundamentalist religious upbringing. His was, and probably remains, engaged in an inner battle to reconcile his sexuality with religious dogma that condemned him, that viewed his sexuality as a choice and thus a turning away from God. Conversion therapy only served to intensify this struggle.

Conley tries to convey his pain, but, unfortunately, in trying to treat his experience more like a novel than an introspective memoir, readers might not fully appreciate the agony such pseudo therapy caused him and others.

Boy Erased will appear as a film in late September, starring Lucas Hedges, Nicole Kidman, and Russell Crowe. with screenplay adaptation and direction by Joel Edgerton, and may do a better job of portraying the emotional and mental turmoil non-acceptance can produce.

Those interested in LIA and religious conversion therapy in general might like to watch the documentary This Is What Love In Action Looks Like, as well as view a few interviews with survivors online.

Why Does Different Have to Be Wrong?

There was a time when psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, and psychologists considered homosexuality a disorder and experimented with a variety of techniques for curing the condition, the most notorious being transorbital lobotomies, torturous aversion therapies, mentally damaging blame the victim abuse, to name a few. In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality as a disorder from the DSM-I. This, however, did not stop groups from pursuing ways to pressure individuals into changing their sexuality, or at least suppress it. In fact, currently, only a handful of jurisdictions in the United States prohibit what Garrard Conley writes about in novelistic memoir, Boy Erased. Love in Action (LIA), of which Conley writes, still operates, now under the name Restoration Path. John Smid, a real person appearing in Conley’s book, now admits that he was wrong, and acknowledges his homosexuality; in 2014, he married his spouse, Larry McQueen. You can detect bitterness at the end of Conley’s life story regarding the ex-gay leaders who now admit to the harm they did.

Conley recounts when a fellow student at his college who had raped him outed him to his parents. Both were very religious people, fundamentalists. Conley’s father owned a car dealership wherein he not only sold cars but proselytized to buyers and held prayer meetings with his employees. At the time, his father was on the verge of beginning a new life as an ordained pastor in the local Ministry Baptist Church. As for Conley, he appeared on the outside to be an ideal prospective minister’s son, replete with beautiful and popular girlfriend.

Conley’s parents were not the harsh types. They thought perhaps they had done something wrong, that maybe he was medically defective in some curable way, that professional help would put him back on the Christian path. LIA, which came highly recommended to them, seemed like a good option.

Conley recounts his time at LIA and with leader John Smid. LIA subjected Conley and the others to conversion therapy. This version, as explained by Conley, employed a 12-step approach. It forced participants to look deep into their family histories for issues, among them alcoholism, spousal abuse, and the like, that might account for the subjects’ aberrant behavior. As you might imagine, constantly dredging for problems, continually trying to prise from yourself some reason for your sexual abnormality, this unrelenting type of self-flagellation could lead to dangerous mental instability.

Coupled with this was Conley’s fundamentalist religious upbringing. His was, and probably remains, engaged in an inner battle to reconcile his sexuality with religious dogma that condemned him, that viewed his sexuality as a choice and thus a turning away from God. Conversion therapy only served to intensify this struggle.

Conley tries to convey his pain, but, unfortunately, in trying to treat his experience more like a novel than an introspective memoir, readers might not fully appreciate the agony such pseudo therapy caused him and others.

Boy Erased will appear as a film in late September, starring Lucas Hedges, Nicole Kidman, and Russell Crowe. with screenplay adaptation and direction by Joel Edgerton, and may do a better job of portraying the emotional and mental turmoil non-acceptance can produce.

Those interested in LIA and religious conversion therapy in general might like to watch the documentary This Is What Love In Action Looks Like, as well as view a few interviews with survivors online.

I always find it a little difficult to rate memoir, since you can’t really critique someone’s life, and I think there’s a lot of value to memoirists writing in their own voice without too much editorial intercession.

I also don’t see much point comparing, as some reviewers have done, this book to the fictionalized movie adapted from it.

So I’ll just say that while there are certainly a few structural and stylistic things that weren’t perfect, overall I think Conley did justice to his own story, and I found it the book very moving. It must have taken a lot of strength to write and publish it, let alone to go through it in the first place. I would certainly recommend reading this memoir.

"Boy Erased" is Garrard Conley's memoir, detailing his difficulties being accepted as a gay man in a religiously conservative household in the South. Prayer and religion was a large part of his life growing up, but as he discovered his sexuality and recognized that he was gay, life became more difficult. His father, a Baptist Minister, could not accept his son being gay, and upon discovering that his college age son had a gay experience, insisted that he participate in gay conversion therapy.
The fact that gay conversion therapy programs still exist surprised me. The practice has been rejected by Professional organizations such as the American Psychological Association and the American Medical Association, and reading about these faith-based and religious programs sounded strange. In the program described, Love in Action, participants are told to "confess" their transgressions, are shamed, are told that their lifestyle is contrary to God's ways, and are given a set of Bible verses to study. Counsellors did not appear to be professionally trained, and the program had all the appearances of a money making scheme benefiting the program organizers.
Conley soon realized that he could not stay in a program such as this, and left, but had to deal with guilt, the loss of church and family. Fortunately, he found peace came to grips with his life
Read: 1/30 - 2/05/19

This is not an easy read -- Conley shows the pain and destruction of family and love that come from the misguided attempt to "cure" homosexuality. All of this is very well done, but the text comes across as fragmented, in parts almost incoherent -- though this may have been the purpose, and then the purpose was fully achieved.

The heartbreaking memoir of a boy who is sent to a conversion therapy camp to be taught about the evils of homosexuality. The "pray away the gay" mentality causes unbelievable damage to the people in the program. The memoir itself is slow moving. My book club selected this one and although I hate hearing about the pain the author went through trying to understand his sexuality in relation to his faith, it was good to learn about his experience to better understand the struggles so many others have faced.

This is an important book, but it is not a very enjoyable book to read. It is very heavy and depressing. However, I am glad this book exists to shine a light on a terrible thing.

It's easy to see why this story would make a good movie, but I have not seen the movie. Although I appreciate Garrard Conley's story, I didn't love the book. This “pray away the gay” movement infuriates me, and this glimpse into what happens in one of these programs is enlightening and disturbing. The movement seems to have lost steam, although I wonder if it is gaining steam again under today's too conservative bent. Mr. Conley was honest and forthright, but the book didn't touch my heart the way I expected it to. Once out of the program, he seemed to minimize what is happening in his life now. Still, an interesting and sad story.

Conley's book is jolting, enlightening and inspiring. He adeptly tackles a timely issue and explores it in a riveting way. I do agree with some reviews that suggest the narrative gets a bit disjointed at times. But it's an important work that provides many valuable insights.

I've often struggled with understanding how fundamental faith, and religion an play a part in a gay man's journey. I haven't personally had to deal with these factors, and so haven't ever understood that level of shame.
This memoir, in its beautiful prose, opened a door into the mind of a young man struggling with just that. How do you come to terms and love yourself for who you are without losing your relationship with God. Especially when everyone is telling you that God will not love you if you accept this part of yourself.
This memoir was haunting, and horrible, and devastating, and beautiful. Conley is a wonderful writer, and was able to capture the conflicts of his mind and heart in a pure and raw way that allowed me as a reader to feel every ache, and doubt with him.
I think this is an important memoir, and one that needs telling. While it may no longer be as widely recognized, conversion therapy exists still today, and Conley's epilogue alone is proof of the long lasting, potentially permanent, damage it can do to someone.
This is not an easy memoir to get through and it certainly took a toll on me while reading. Yet, regardless of how hard it was, I felt it necessary. Certainly necessary for different reasons for different readers. For me, it allowed me to understand a part of my own community that I didn't before. For someone struggling with religion and their sexuality, it an help them to see someone else going through the same struggle, feeling the same things. Amid, other important take away's for other readers I'm sure.
It's important to tell as many of our communities stories as possible to show the wide range of human soul's these prejudices impact.
There were so many times that I wanted to scream, to cry, to reach out and take Garrard by the shoulders and promise it will be ok.
This book got to me. I think, if you read it, it will get to you too.

Beautifully written, but meandering and a bit dull. I am not sure why I didn't feel pulled in or broadened by this. I feel saddened by the damage to this man and his family caused by faulty theology and faultier psychology, and I can feel the memoirist's pain, and his sense of catharsis in writing. Still I wasn't drawn in. I think I needed to understand his parents better as people, not in relation to him, to get a handle on what happened but I am not sure. Maybe I was just the wrong reader?½

Should have been an important indictment of conversion therapy, instead it becomes a disjointed, repetitive internal dialogue of a young gay man where he agonizes over his sinfulness and eventually comes to accept himself. Constantly jumping back and forth in time had me always wondering “where are we at now?” Fine prose, good writer but seriously needed a strong editor to focus this story.½

This is one of the most devestating, beautifully-written books I've read in a long time. Boy Erased is an incredibly revealing look at Garrard Conley's experience growing up in fundamentalist Christianity, his rape and subsequent outing to his parents, and his time spent in conversion therapy.

There are some big things that really struck me about the book and have kept me thinking about it long after I finished reading it.

Firstly, the sheer honesty of this book. I commend Conley for how open he is throughout this book and the extent to which he is willing to be vulnerable on the page. It makes the book so powerful.

Secondly, the overall feeling of the book. With the subject matter covered, it would be so easy for book to be angry or resentful. Ultimately, though, Conley writes with a great deal of compassion and love. In a lot of ways, the book mirrors what can be the experience of growing up with fundamentalist Christianity: an uncomfortable and confusing juxtaposition of love and hurt.

Finally, there's the form of conversion therapy depicted in the book. While there are some forms out there that use electroshock, for example, the type shown in Boy Erased is mainly based on talk, acting things out, or drawing family trees. It's not the dramatic type that we often see portrayed in popular culture, but its effects are absolutely devastating.

And I think it's that last factor that is the most powerful, especially in this political climate. There are a lot of harmful things worked into political platforms, and advocated by politicians and religious leaders. It's worked right into our culture, it's insidious, and it's something that we all need to be aware of.

I would also be remiss if I didn't mention the absolutely beautiful writing style. This book is hard to read but also completely beautiful at the same time. Highly recommended.

http://tinyurl.com/zuom3dd

This book was such a slog for me that I finished it on the way to work, the morning of book club. I waited until the very last second, obviously.

It's not that the subject matter isn't fascinating and horrific. The ex-gay movement was a special torture device for those unlucky enough to have lived through their workshops and events. For that alone, it's worth reading... a bit of it. You certainly get the flavor after 20 or so pages. The remaining 320 pages? They had little to no impact on me. I've been struggling to figure out why.

I believe what it boils down to is, first, his lack of a consistent internal narrative. He'll tell us that his parents made him come home from college on the weekends after he was out-ed. A few pages later he'll say that he and his college pals had nothing to do tomorrow (Saturday) morning so they could hang out all night. Eh? That's only one example, and it's a small one, but these built up over time and I ended up losing faith in what he was telling us. I'm certain memoirs are difficult - that there is much that you recall but can't place in the correct context. All the same, it's certainly possible to fit all of that into a consistent framework so that the reader is not confused by what's happening and why.

And second, I had great difficulty with his leaps of logic. In particular, when he's describing the most startling events, he muddles the narrative so that it's difficult to tell what piece of it he's describing. Especially during the rape - which I do understand must be so hard to recall and write about - he starts talking about pedophilia between his attacker and another victim. Pedophilia between a 14-year-old and an 18-year-old? That's not even close to fitting the standard definition. Regardless, it threw me out of the description of the event, and I really wondered if he did that on purpose.

I do wish the epilogue had been a book in and of itself. Tell me more about your years since this abortive therapy, your interactions with your family, and especially how you lost your faith!

At times I wanted to just hold him, to create a safe place for him. Compelling, I listened through the first half of the book on a long day. I had to take a break and process my feeling as well as how I thought the book may end.