Frederick W. Schmidt

How can we walk with someone through suffering and hardship and how does faith not only survive such a journey, but help us through this valley? This book take a raw, honest look at walking with a loved one through difficult times. It is okay to acknowledge that this stinks, that this might be the new normal and things might not get back to the way they were before. It talks about knowing what we believe and stating it, not using "stained glass language" that doesn't really address the reality of the situation. Because walking with someone who is suffering forces us to acknowledge our own mortality, something we often want to ignore. "It is possible to craft a response to life's hard places that draws deeply on the Christian faith, that hangs together, and that takes us to a place that is faithful to God's purpose for our lives." A wonderful, helpful book that will make you think and reflect.… (more)

Can a downer be a positive reading experience?

This is a book that needs to be read, even though it’s not enjoyable. It’s about how to relate positively to those who are going through hard times. How to be a friend in love. It’s written from a Christian perspective by an Episcopal priest, but it does not pretend that faith solves all the hard problems.

Schmidt’s younger brother Dave was struck with cancer, and endured seven years of the disease before succumbing to death. Sometimes life just sucks. Hoping for a handy guidebook about what to do in such situations, maybe a collection of pick-me-up promises like “God won’t give you more than you can endure” or at least a can’t-fail casserole recipe to bake for a suffering friend, I read all the way through to the end before I finally accepted that I was not going to be given any Biblical solutions for coping or helping another cope. This is just down-to-earth advice on how to validate and share the pain of another. As Schmidt would say, ditch the stained-glass language and learn to walk wounded.

And yes, it WAS a frustrating read for me, most of the way. If I’m going to endure a downer of a book, can’t it just teach me to dispense a little Hallmark wisdom and send me on my way?
Perhaps the best advice I gleaned from the first nine chapters (by reading between the lines) is this: When times get tough, go befriend a couple of recovering alcoholics. They understand struggle and neither coddle you nor make light of your pain.

Schmidt’s message finally sank in as I neared the end of the book, with these three strange words: Availability is incarnational. It’s really not as cryptic a message as it sounds. After stressing that Jesus’ interface with humanity was in the flesh–incarnational–and after stressing that sincere love is sharing a genuine presence, making oneself available, the advice finally hit home. There’s lots of other advice in the book, of course, this just happens to be the message that finally penetrated for me. The simple secret of dealing with another’s grief, for both your own benefit and that of your friend, is this: Availability is incarnational.… (more)