A captivating and moving memoir about a women's journey through love, interethnic marriage, parenthood, and life. This memoir follows Krista from her surfing days to a journalism career to a chance encounter with a runner that eventually leads to a discovered pregnancy, and soon a cross-cultural marriage. The author shows us her experiences being married to a Muslim man, her own journey with religion, and the experience of a different culture, with refreshing honesty and humanity. As a reader who has a deep love and interest in the study of religion, especially Islam, I couldn't stop myself from escaping into Bremer's journey. This in an important memoir; beautifully written with wisdom everyone can appreciate and learn from on each page.

Sarah M. / Marathon County Public Library
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What an amazingly honest and well written story about a cross-cultural relationship and marriage. I really enjoyed hearing about the author’s experiences being married to a Muslim man. It gave me a very different insight about an average Muslim and their faith in contrast to what we hear about in the media. I gained such a respect for this married couple as they stayed committed to each other despite their ongoing struggles with their cultural differences. It was enlightening and touching to hear about how they learned to accept some of those differences and yet remained loyal to their own personal culture, faith, beliefs, and traditions. Definitely not easy and the author is very candid about her feelings and frustrations. I ended up enjoying this book a lot more than I anticipated and would recommend it to anyone that wants to open their mind and learn about cultures that are different from our own.

Please note: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. ( )

I received a free early review copy from LibraryThing last year, but somehow didn't get around to reading it. I found this memoir captivating and finished the book in one day. Quick and easy read. The book is full of humor and love and I really enjoyed the way it's written. I love the way the author covers the cultural differences between herself and her husband. ( )

I received my copy awhile ago and finally was able to pick it up this morning to see where to place it in my TBR pile. I read it in one sitting this morning as my chores piled up around me. The premise of this book has been written about thoroughly and well. Since I knew little about the Muslim religion and even less about the Libyan people, I found this memoir fascinating. The section regarding their trip to Libyia to meet her husband's family was eye opening. I enjoyed this book and look forward to Krista Bremer's next book. ( )

Liked this book. Very interesting to read how their respective cultures affected their marriage. ( )

This couple had to work very hard to understand each other. The husband was Muslim (and older) but he did not expect the wife to participate in any way. She was somewhat self involved but worked to overcome this for the betterment of the family. Got married because she was pregnant - ironic as she worked for planned parenthood. Their trip to Libya is the best part of the book. His family doesn't know what to make of her. ( )

My Accidental Jihad is the story of a young woman who, because she fell in love with an older Moslem man from Libya, found herself undertaking a very personal jihad of her own.

No, no, no… not that kind of jihad. As Krista Bremer puts it in her book," the prophet Muhammad taught that the greatest jihad, or struggle, of our lives is not the one that takes place on a battlefield but the one that takes place within our hearts...the struggle to manifest humility, wisdom, and compassion." Bremer, in order to make her new romance work long term, was forced to "wrestle with my intolerance and self-absorption." Despite the odds against her, she won her personal jihad and, with the man who would forever change her life, she created a beautiful new family of her own.

The author's choice of partners was both wise and lucky in the sense that she met a Moslem man who did not insist that she live under the strict religious restraints that Moslem women around the world contend with every day. The open-mindedness that each brought to the relationship allowed them to grow both spiritually and socially. Over the years, they have shared their respective cultures with their children, and have managed to meld themselves into a family that recognizes the best - and the worst- of both worlds.

There is a lot to like here, but I finished the book with the feeling that Bremer was going out of her way to soften some of the quirks of modern Islam, especially those pertaining to the treatment of women and a worldview that makes so many members of the faith ready to accept “battlefield jihad” as inevitable. She succumbs a bit to the common tendency automatically to see one’s own culture as cruder and less meaningful than one offering a simpler lifestyle in which family, spirituality, and worship are the main concerns.

That said, My Accidental Jihad affords the reader a view that is both optimistic and inspirational, a look at what is still possible in this world. While the book is not at all what I expected it to be from its title when I first picked it up, it reminded me of how much can be accomplished when two people combine a willingness to listen with the ability to find workable compromise.

That’s a worthy accomplishment, indeed, Ms. Bremer. ( )

Meh. Ms. Bremer grated on my nerves, as did her trite reflections on faith, culture, and marriage. I get it - you are a vain, shallow, surfer girl from California forced to confront all your assumptions about what life is about when you fall in love with a Muslim Libyan immigrant. How agonizing! I'm sorry, but to me, love shouldn't be this tortuous. And I wonder how much she exaggerates for the purposes of stretching what was, apparently, an essay into an almost-300 page book. There is some interesting insight in here, and her love for her husband and the life they build together is genuine and touching in places, but why is it worthy of a whole book? She's done what millions of other men and women have done, so my final reaction is really no more than a shrug. ( )

I received an Advance Reading Copy of this book from LibraryThing Early Reviewer's Program in exchange for a fair and honest review, which I have given. Thank you LibraryThing and Algonquin Books. I truly enjoyed the first 3/4 of this book; it was the last 1/4 that went a little south for me. Krista Bremer shares her life with us, exposing what it's like to be an American woman married to an older Libyan-born Muslim man. It began as a memoir in which she gives us a glimpse of who she is and what she stands for, and then we gradually become familiar with her husband Ismail. I have to give Bremer credit for the candid way she reveals some very personal aspects of her life with Ismail. She's also very descriptive in the way she enlightens us about her own religious beliefs, which I have to admit I found a little disturbing. Her irreverent and flippant descriptions of God made me cringe at times. She appears very gullible and quick to adopt whatever traditional views pervade our society without having any real foundation of her own. This perceived personality trait helped me to understand (possibly) her initial attraction and subsequent marriage to her husband. He may have represented something unfamiliar and mystical. However, as we read on we can see how this fascination leads to revelations that are at times very difficult for her to relate to and comprehend. She takes us through her visit to Libya and the appalling conditions that shocked and saddened her. We also see the conflicts and struggles between her and Ismail because of cultural differences; but not enough so. This is where the book began to lessen in strength to me. I started to feel as though we weren't getting the full story of their lives together. This was a memoir after all, but it got a little disjointed and I felt as though there were parts of their lives that were excluded. When I read Not Without My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody, a true story of an American Woman who married a Muslim man who held her and their young daughter captive in Iran, I got to know all of the characters so fully that when it was over they stayed with me for a very long time. When I finished reading My Accidental Jihad It felt wanting, like I didn't get the full accounting of their lives together. I really didn't get to know enough about Ismail and their family in general. Nevertheless, the writing started out very strong and it held my interest nearly to the end. I applaud the author for revealing what we were privileged to learn about her family. I liked it and feel confident recommending it to others. ( )

I received this as a review copy through LibraryThing.

There are parts of this book that really resonated with me, like the idea that Ramadan is a time to separate ourselves from our compulsions and silence the external noise so as to become closer to family, friends, and God, and how candid she is about her marital troubles and her personal feeling of slow suffocation. She touches on these really deep, resonant issues but then moves away to another subject too quickly. I wanted more of those bits. I think I might have felt more connected to her if she'd dug deeper.

The memoir also seemed a little disjointed. I don't mind jumping around to follow memories and trains of thought, but I was often confused about where I was in time.

I liked reading about places I remember from my time in that part of North Carolina (she doesn't mention them by name, but I'm content assuming I know just what live music venue they're at and what restaurant she and her husband visited on their first date). And her description of the oppressive Southern summer...man, was that right on.

I enjoyed reading about Bremer's struggle to define what surrender means in her life, but the memoir would have benefitted from a little more polish and a little more digging in. ( )

This book is well written and the style is relaxed, giving it more the feel of a novel then a non fiction book. Despite this, I didn't find the subject matter particularly engaging and it ended up being a slow read. There were some stories I found interesting, such as the trip to Libya, as it gave some insight to a country and culture I know little about. The rest of the book however, taking place in the US, I thought fell a little flat. ( )

This book was such a treat - well written, with a warm voice from the author and a perspective that is honest and engaging. I loved getting a picture of what it is like to live with someone who has a strong faith when you are not a person who does. It also showed me some of the beauty in the Muslim faith, which was intriguing. This is one of those books that is quotable, but more than that, it's one whose phrases and ideas come back to you as you are going about your everyday life. I truly enjoyed it. ( )

I was eager to read this when I received it as a reviewer copy, and I found it quite interesting to read, but unfortunately, it came and was read during an extremely difficult time in our family, so I am left knowing little what to say for my review. Instead, here's a favorite quote, marked by a post-it as I read: "Our union felt as incongruous and unexpected as the shimmering black piano resting briefly in the shade of the tree--and it, too, required arduous work for fleeting moments of beauty and communion." (p. 266) I think that sums up well what much of the book was about--that arduous work of marriage for fleeting moments of beauty.

I found this book to be engaging and honest. I appreciate the Krista Bremer's voice as she describes her life married to man that, by all appearances, is very different from her. I loved the way she weaves their lives together to showcase how we can be transformed by those we love, but stay true to ourselves at the same time. I especially loved her descriptions of her travels to Libya with her family. I would welcome a collection of stories from her that focus on her experiences there. All said, I truly enjoyed this narrative! ( )

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Krista Bremer's book. Her style was clear, simple, straightforward, yet beautiful, humorous, informative. This non-fiction book read like a highly entertaining novel. Her story brought back memories of my early years in an intercultural marriage. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in learning about Muslim culture. I found the book brimming with honesty about sexual feelings in young women...insecurities, self esteem issues...
Wonderful ! Thank you Early Reviewers for giving me the opportunity to read and share my thoughts. ( )

As half of a inter-cultural marriage, I appreciated Krista Bremer's own story. My first impression was that she definitely writes beautifully! This is the most vividly described non-fiction I've read in a while, but it's also very easy to read; I couldn't put it down.

I enjoyed reading her self-introspection and growth with regards to her unplanned marriage and life, and the journey towards Islam, for which she and her family seem to grow in understanding and regard.
She writes very openly and honestly. I know that some other reviewers say that she seems to hold back, but as a person of Muslim and Middle Eastern background, I thought that she discussed many things that few from that upbringing would mention even in private conversations. She is very brave in my opinion. I'm very curious as to how the book was received by her Libyan relatives! ( )

I like most of the other reviewers came away with an empty feeling after reading this book. To me, it was a slow read, even though the author is a good writer. I also found the title confusing - as was the picture on the front. ( )

I enjoyed the premise of this book, a christian married to a muslin and the attempt of each spouse to learn and adopt or incorporate each others traditions into their marriage. I particularly respected the fact that it was written by a professional writer which certainly came through. I did learn some things that will be useful in experiencing the diversity in my workplace. I, like others, felt like she held back, however. Perhaps not to discuss family situations while others were still living. Perhaps not to embarrass her husband or children. I was left to wonder why she needed the subtitle "A Love Story". Was it to balance the fact she called it a Jihad "struggle or battle"? While I'm glad I read this book I came away feeling there must be so much more. ( )

I really enjoyed this book. I am a child if a mixed race marriage, and while my situation growing up was quite a bit different, I felt a lot of similarities. This is a very well-written and, for me, a very poignant book. The author is honest about her struggles and doesn't claim to have the perfect answer for every issue.
I must say, the ending was a bit cheesy though! ( )

Author's own "bright illusions of superiority"

Near the end of this book the author tells of an instance being with a friend who makes what she considers a snide remark about Islam and reminds herself that she too once had a "soothing homogeneity, its bright illusions of superiority.." From my perspective, she still has an illusion of superiority; now however, it's her feeling of heterogeneousness. Although I definitely feel the author loved the man she married, I can't help but sense that it was that "difference" was a lot of the appeal. Even before meeting Ismail, the author relished a non-traditional path: "unshaved legs" and discussions about wearing a tampon on a nude beach. In short, being different from the pack was important and somehow more exhilarating, more interesting, more worthy.

The book is definitely well-written and I appreciated the author's clarity, style of writing and wit throughout the book. However, I was disappointed in the subject matter. The daily challenges of marrying someone of a different faith were interesting. The trip to Libya and the meeting of Ismail's family was fascinating. Nevertheless, at times, the book had the tone of a tempest in a teapot; to her credit, she does reflect on her own self-absorption.

Finally, I'm not sure I completely understand the title. As a westerner (she never calls herself Christian so not sure) living with a Muslim, she was forced to come to grips with her own intolerance and self-absorption calling that her "accidental jihad". However, the issues seem to be cultural rather than faith driven. She tells of attending church but nothing is said about her own personal faith and how that conflicts or reinforces her marriage or experiences with Islam. Ismail prays regularly, but I believe there is only one reference that she meditates. Religion is only a cultural difference and theology and belief are only important in that they affect culture. The author at one point is very concerned about the number of prayer rugs in the house; the rugs are more important to her than the act of prayer itself as her husband does remind her. The ending of the book just seems hokey; is swaying at a rock concert a religious experience? Was that to be a conversion experience? In short, although a good read, way less than I had expected. ( )

An inspirational story of a cross-cultural marriage. Very interesting and readable. I did not want to put it down. ( )

I gave this book three stars because it was well written. However, the content kept it from a higher rating. It was interesting to start, but became tedious after a few chapters. I expected a story of an American woman's adjustment to marriage to an older, Muslim man. Instead, it came across as a blog full of whine and complaints about how it all fell short for her. The chapter about her son's circumcision was particularly tedious and overdone. However,I found the chapters about their visit to Libya to be interesting and informative. Overall, I compare this book to an acquaintance whose complaining nature leads you to avoid their company. It just isn't worth your time. ( )

My Accidental Jihad is the memoir of a blonde, blue eyed surfer girl's marriage to a older Muslim man originally from Libya. I went into this book expecting it to be about the prejudice the author encountered in post-9/11 America married to a Muslim man, but instead found the book to be a very thoughtful exploration of a merging of two cultures through marriage. Bremer discusses how her marriage has challenged her beliefs about what it means to be a woman in America, and how religion/spirituality impact everyday life.

I was particularly engaged by her descriptions of visiting Libya with her husband. The differences between life under Gaddafi's rule and life in the US, both for men and for women, are unbelievable. It will really make you think before complaining about American politics.

Many of the challenges that Bremer faces in her marriage do not come from external sources, rather they come from her own preconceived notions of what a woman should be and do. I admire her willingness to learn from another culture, and to be open to different ideals of womanhood. In America, women are told that they can do it all and have it all: wife, mother, successful career, healthy lifestyle, youthful looks. This leaves us constantly chasing perfection and leaves many of us unhappy. I was impressed that Bremer is examining those ideals but not finding any perfect solutions to the problem. ( )

In this memoir, Krista Bremer describes her “incongruous and unexpected” marriage (266). She was a liberal, career-oriented woman when she met Ismail Suayah, a Libyan-born immigrant. He was “older, darker, poorer” (17) and had been raised in a traditional Muslim family. Spanning about a dozen years, the book focuses on their relationship, “a sticky marriage” (268) that “required arduous work” (266), and Krista’s jihad, her “struggle to increase self-discipline and become a better person” (95) and her wrestling with her “intolerance and self-absorption” (96).

What is included in the book is interesting. The visit to Libya is especially informative and certainly was crucial in Krista’s growth. She had difficulty accepting the total absence of privacy and the lack of freedom, especially for women. She describes herself as being “weighed down by so much individualism, impatience and desire” (136). Eventually she came to realize that there are things about the women’s lives that she envied: “I ached for the intimacy they shared, for their selfless generosity, for their abiding faith and the slow pace of their daily lives, devoid of my typically American concerns: balancing career and family, saving for retirement, trying to stay fit and trim” (185).

It is, however, what is missing that frustrated me. Since many of her family members are undoubtedly still alive, Krista seems to have left out much about them. How did they feel about her relationship with Ismail? How did they react to her dalliance with Islam? It would also have been interesting to know how society at large reacted to her marriage, especially after 9/11. Ismail and she sometimes felt like “two foreigners gaping at one another with naked prejudice” (164), but not once does she address the issue of prejudice as directed at them by society. At times there is a vagueness in the narrative; for example, Krista makes a great deal about Ismail’s poverty when she first met him, but soon enough they became a middle-class couple. This transition was effortless despite her assertion that “Ismail’s job always seemed uncertain” (144)?

I was also bothered by the portrayal of Ismail. He comes across as almost saintly. He is infinitely patient and understanding, always supportive and forgiving. About the worst that she can say about her husband is that he suffers from halitosis because of fasting during Ramadan. Krista claims that “Ismail insisted on working side by side in the kitchen with the women in his family” (201), but not once is he shown to be doing this; in fact, one of her constant complaints while in Libya was that she was forced to join the women while her husband joined the men.

The treatment of Ismail’s family is likewise troubling. The descriptions of them seem sentimentalized. Would a traditional family be so welcoming of the infidel American wife of their “firstborn Muslim son” (108)? Ismail’s sisters are “gracious” and his brothers are “gentle” (118). When something negative is revealed, it tends to be given scant attention. The servitude of Ismail’s youngest sister is mentioned on the first day of the Libyan visit and then never discussed again. The violence of which Ismail’s father is capable is also referred to briefly and then dismissed. The impression is that Krista does not want to draw undue attention to the negative aspects of the culture into which she has married.

At times, the same seems to be the case in Krista’s treatment of Islam. She seems to be dismissive of her own beliefs in order to give precedence to Islam. She avoids discussion of the criticisms often made of the religion. She admits to not having “clear convictions” and to being “a part-time Muslim” (272), yet she is reduced to tears at hearing the Qur’an recited in a language she does not understand?

The memoir is well-written. It is obvious that the writer has a skill with language. The only thing that was disconcerting was some needless repetition. Gaddafi’s marble bust displayed amongst Roman artifacts is mentioned twice (145, 191); the bag of money brought home by Ismail’s father is mentioned twice (180, 216); the scrambling of children from lap to lap and from the front to the back of a car is also mentioned twice (109, 147). Since I read an advance reading copy, this redundancy may have been corrected.

The book provides an interesting perspective on a “mixed” marriage, and Krista must be given credit for her discussion of some very personal topics. She does not hesitate to reveal her own deficiencies, something most people would find difficult to do. Though sometimes uneven in quality, the memoir is a worthwhile read. ( )

To better understand the message of the book, I looked up the definition of jihad and found several; they all had one term in common, struggle. Jihad is a striving toward belief and a striving toward a world governed by Islam.
According to http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jihad, jihad means:
1: a holy war waged on behalf of Islam as a religious duty; also : a personal struggle in devotion to Islam especially involving spiritual discipline
2: a crusade for a principle or belief.
Another interpretation is that among Muslims, it is a war or struggle against unbelievers, while in Islam, it is the spiritual struggle within oneself against sin.
I thought it would be important to read the book with those ideas present in my mind.
When the book begins, Krista Bremer‘s life is going nowhere in particular. She loves surfing and is living with a boyfriend in California. Both have no real end-game in sight. She works for Planned Parenthood, advising pregnant woman of their options. After watching her friends move on with their lives, she decides to make a change and pursue her education further. She applies for her Master’s Degree and is accepted to a school in New England. She packs up and heads there exchanging surfing for jogging for her exercise and pleasure.
Occasionally, when she jogs, she notices a middle-aged man who runs at the same time as she does. Soon, they happen to meet in a store, and they make plans to jog together. He, Ismail, is a Libyan, working and living in America and is a practicing Muslim. She is in her twenties and practices a moderate form of Buddhism, often meditating. Their relationship evolves and when she finds herself in a compromising situation, they decide to marry.
Theirs is an unusual love affair, but it is deep and sincere. They work hard at finding common ground. Their backgrounds and cultures are diametrically opposed to each other. He comes from a third world country where creature comforts are hard to come by, while she is used to taking most creature comforts for granted. He is satisfied with very little and seems more interested in finding inner peace and serenity while she is often dissatisfied and tense, ill at ease and unsure of herself, even embarrassed by some of his behavior patterns.
Krista seems more interested in things of the material world, while Ismail seems more interested in things of the spiritual world. He is devoted to following the practices of Islam with prayer and observance, while she is devoted to the pursuit of happiness as in buying Christmas gifts and Valentine’s gifts which show her interest, concern and affection for those she cares about. Ismail is more understanding and patient with her regarding her form of worship than she is with his, and she is often petty and disappointed in him. She thinks of his G-d as more demanding, and hers as a more forgiving deity. Ismail makes few demands of her, and truthfully, he seemed like the ideal man, which made me wonder if anyone could be that perfect. He always supports her, always forgives her, and always offers compassion and concern.
As their relationship grows and deepens over the next dozen years, and as their family grows from one to two children, she finds more inner meaning in Islam than she ever expected to discover and watches her daughter soften to its demands, as well, actually expressing a desire to wear a headscarf. Krista sometimes seems to glorify Islam while denigrating herself and her own beliefs as inferior and less worthy. At times, I thought she was accepting and endorsing Islam, even as she found some fault with it. She seems to make a conscious effort to explain away the negative aspects she notices. She believes that Islam makes her more humble; she believes that the demands of the religion seem to make her less selfish.
When she and Ismail and their daughter return to Libya for a visit, her reaction seems too mild considering the lack of creature comforts available to her pregnant body. Her description of the bumpy roads and head scarves, forbidden coffee, and paucity of supplies, coupled with relatives eager to embrace her, is a humbling experience for the reader, as well. She was impressed with the family’s joy at seeing Ismail again and with the welcome they provided her. On the other hand, she was disturbed by the way his younger sister was treated and did not understand why a woman would want to be covered, but soon she discovers it offers her a sense of privacy and peace. Many of her descriptions of her husband and his family are a bit overly sentimental and positive, as if she is trying to justify his lifestyle over hers, and often her comments seem naïve and excessive.
As she searched within herself to gain a better understanding of the world around her and her place in it, she questioned the need for women to be subservient to men. She did not understand how Ismail could be oblivious to his youngest sister’s oppressive way of life. Yet, although, in Libya, the sound of the call to prayer wakes her in the mornings, when she returns home, she finds the prayer a comfort. Women could not be outdoors unaccompanied and she could not exercise, but she begins to place more emphasis on her experience there as one of personal growth, rather than one of personal sacrifice, which makes it enlightening for the reader. As she vacillates between her respect for her own culture and religion and her alternating growing respect and admiration for Ismail’s and for his family’s way of handling their lives with all its requirements and deprivations, she admires the way they handle their daily lives with such grace and marvels at the respect they hold for each other. While in Libya, she finds their style of dress liberating, not confining as one would expect. When she begins to wear a headscarf, she is comforted by it, feeling that it provides her a sense of privacy. In America, she was a woman who helped women choose to either have a child or an abortion, and suddenly, in Libya, she finds the harsh rules and requirements placed on women to be liberating, a position with which I was not sure I could agree.
In this honest expose of her love affair with Ismail, Krista describes many of the challenges she faced and continues to face, even now. As she becomes mesmerized by the melodies and presentation of the Muslim prayers, their plaintiveness and the earnestness with which they are recited, she grows closer to Ismail. As she becomes more and more enamored with Islam, she is more and more able to ignore the disrespect for women that it requires. I think Krista was a blank slate waiting to be written upon, making her more open to disparate views. She morphed into a different kind of adult than she was when she first cohabited with Ismail. Although she claims to draw peace from Muslim prayers, she admits that she has no clue about the meaning of the prayers. She does not speak Arabic. Therefore, in a way, at times I had to often suspend disbelief to go on reading, and if it wasn’t so beautifully written, with pitch perfect expression and cadence, I might not have finished it!
Problematically, I found that she seemed to infer or abstractly link the riots in Egypt and other parts of the Middle East, which occurred because of a video, to the murders of the four Americans in Benghazi. To connect the two events, however minimally, when Benghazi had been proven to be an act of terrorism, not the result of a crude, insulting video, implies a bias on her part that I found disingenuous. She made inferences about the practice of circumcision being heinous, actually citing a study to prove it, although it is a religious practice for Jews, their covenant with their G-d. Also, she makes a point of citing a particular close friend and devout Muslim who just happened to have converted from Judaism to Islam. I found the references to Judaism troublesome, but perhaps I am overly sensitive.
The audio is read well by the reader, with just the right amount of expression; the prose is excellent and I have to say the book is beautifully written and put together. However, I often wondered about the author’s descriptions of her personal feelings and the details of her personal growth with regard to Islam. They seemed a little exaggerated, more designed, perhaps, to impress the reader with her willingness to embrace Islam, rather than to present her own honest, legitimate response to her particular situation. I felt as if she colored her descriptions in order to put a more positive light on what it was like to be a Muslim.
All in all, I believe this book is an expression of Krista’s personal search for meaning in her own life and in the outside world. From the beginning, her writing style will captivate her readers as they take this journey with her, a journey that explores her personal struggle, possibly to live a more pious life, a life considered less sinful and more fulfilling. ( )