Lang geleden hadden de Marsbewoners en de Venusbewoonsters gelukkige relaties, gebaseerd op wederzijds respect voor de verschillen die er tussen hen bestonden. Toen kwamen ze naar Aarde, en vergaten dat ze van verschillende planeten afkomstig waren..., Aan de hand van deze pakkende metafoor onthult John Grav een unieke, praktische manier waarop mannen en vrouwen hun relatie-kunnen verbeteren: door te begrijpen en te respecteren wat ze niet gemeen hebben.Dr. John Gray is psycholoog en gezins- en relatietherapeut.

Well, you can't say I didn't try to get through this book. I began reading it when I was newly engaged. But after the initial three chapters, the book began to feel repetitive and I just kept it aside. I tried to pick it up twice more but simply couldn't. It is finally the audio version of this book that helped me complete it. And now that I am done with it, I am just a little wiser and none the merrier. Of course, I must confess that I am notoriously bad with self-help books. I hardly ever pick them up, and most of the few I do begin, end up as DNFs. So the fact that I did manage to complete this book must be held as a point in favour of the book. (Or you could put it down to my determination to finally get rid of it.)

The book might have been revolutionary when it was first published in 1992. But in 2021, it just seems sexist, stereotypical and outdated. There are some plus points, especially in terms of understanding why men go silent or why they constantly give advice, and how to have better communication in a relationship. Some of the advice is really practical and will be helpful for new couples. Plus, there is a lot of humour, thankfully, as this helps salvage the book to a great extent.

Unfortunately, the negatives outweighed the positives for me. There is a great amount of generalisation about the nature of the sexes. Nothing gets my goat as the statement "Women find shopping therapeutic." Another flaw of the book is that it is repetitive. The same 3-4 points are stated and restated and re-re-stated ad nauseum. (Point of advice: If you want to know what the book is about? Just read the first 3 chapters. The rest are rehashed versions of the same three ideas.)

The biggest flaw of the book? Let's not forget that the author is a man. So most of the advice tends to favour men. (Yes, I'm a woman. But sorry, I don't care if a man likes "would" better than "could". Common sense should help him understand what the meaning behind the question is rather than complaining about grammar. If a woman would have done this, she would have been called a nit-picker.)

A hit and miss read for me. But I'm glad I finally completed it. One book reduced from my physical TBR. This goes to the recycle bin now.


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I'm definitely reading this again.
Great insights and wisdom about relationships. ( )

Human beings are not that simple. This reminded me of when people read about their star signs, and go like "Wow! This is so true!" - it's only true because you expect it to be, and then you act on it.
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Good advice on relationships considering the differences between men and women. ( )

Unabridged audio. I had to stop at 25%

1. Too many generalities about men and women.
2. Too much “squish-ification” of men, with lengthy diatribes about how they need to change. Exhortations for women to change were less stringent. Get a clue: women are not perfect and should not be the standard for judging the human race.
3. If I were from Jupiter, I would come away with the impression that women are whiny crybabies; and I would wonder why men bother.
4. A better place to start would be teaching that people are all different. Some of the male/female differences are biological; some are cultural; and all have exceptions.

Accept someone for who they are. Don’t try to change them into something else for your own convenience. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin instead of waiting for another person to validate your existence.

I find the pop-psychology annoying and indicative that we have too much time on our hands if we are agonizing over how to make others conform to personal ideals. ( )

“Because she is afraid of not being supported, she unknowingly pushes away the support she needs.”
― John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

It is fun to read. B ut I was not all that impressed.

When I was younger, I read this types of books way more then I do now. I did a reread of this one not that long ago and did not like it near as much.

Some things maybe true in here..I liked the rubber band analogy..but some things were sexist seeming and seemed to put all the responsibility for everything on the woman. I have noticed that with these types of books.

Don't get me wrong. This book is nowhere as bad as "The Rules". (I read that as a joke). But I did not agree with much of it and thought that many assumptions were made.

I appreciated the use of real human examples but the book seems to generalize alot and all these do's and don'ts and letting the guy feel like the pursuer..it bothers me.

I feel that is buying into stereotype in many ways and also making the female be something that she may not actually be. Isn't being an imposter or lying or down playing who you are worse then letting your best self shine through? And is the woman really going to want to be with a guy who will not let her ever take the lead? I feel as if once again the female is pushed into this space of being somewhere between a pretty sweet young thing and a Stepford wife.

I do not think that is the author's intention. He comes across as sincere. But I feel he makes to many allowances for the male. I do not get why the female has to let herself be "conquered". I have also found that most of these types of relationships..where each party is playing a role..do not last anyway.

I feel a strong and confident male would not NEED to always have to take the lead. I do not feel in this age and time, where women have come so far, that there really needs to be a playing into a fantasy of what men want versus who we actually are. I am aware this book is older and sure, some things have changed but books like this bother me greatly.

OK..I will stop rambling now. I still give it a two because it keeps you involved. But I disagree with much of it. ( )

A light weight book on man women relationships. ( )

When I was about 12, maybe, I saw this book on display at the library and wanted to read it. The title itself, I thought, explained why my dad didn't make sense. But my mom told me that it would probably be boring. And, when I found it again in the non-fiction area, I decided she was probably right. Non-fiction was boring.

Fast forward to today when I was browsing the bestseller's list of the 1990s for a book to read to complete a reading challenge I'm participating in (mostly for bragging rights, to be honest) and I found this book on, not just one year, but three years.

Straight.

It was on that library display shelf for a reason.

So, to indulge my curious 12-year-old self, I checked it out and started reading.

For a casual student of Gottman (pick me! pick me!) there isn't much new information. He spends much more time on communication intricacies than Gottman does (Gottman just gives you principles and lets you on to the next topic). I disagreed with his love letter theory. Yes, writing out frustration, grief, disappointment can be therapeutic. But I don't think that it needs to be in that letter format. Nor do I think that they should be shared 100% of the time (Part of that may be left over from my morning read of [b:Integrity|712327|Integrity|Stephen L. Carter|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1410135782s/712327.jpg|2213583] in which Carter discusses the nuances of committed relationships). I think it is valid, if you find an underlying problem, to say "hey-- this behavior makes me feel ________ because of _____." But usually the one who can gradually make a change in your feeling/experience is you. That, plus letters are now so formal that I almost associate them with negative more than positive. Bills, etc, you know. And they seem so permanent. So- the information is valid. The suggested implementation may be dated. After all, everyone is unique.

Conclusion: 12-year-old me may have found much to learn in this book, but she would have been so bored by the first couple of pages it wouldn't have been finished.

P.S. I think that the complaints about sexism may have missed his comments in the introduction. :) ( )

Useful information is scattered throughout this book, but the rest of it left a rather bitter taste in my mouth. Men and women aren't from different planets, folks. Not all men need to be alone for long periods of time in order to function. Some women do. Not all women are needy and over-emotional.

Overall, I derived little from this other than the author's idea of an ideal woman. That is to say, a doormat. ( )

Why read this Book?

Let's see, for someone who has not had the habit of reading, I'd suggest this book.

Speaking of this, when you suggest this to older Tamil People, they just dismiss it.

In life, there's always space for growth, improvement, a good place to start about relationship.

Recommended for someone who wants to start reading.

What is inside the book?



If you want to see enlarged image of the above

Click here: Link

Deus Vult,
Gottfried ( )

Very good book on understanding how the opposite sex thinks and what they need... some very good advice to couples to keep their relationship going... ( )

Classic, indeed! This book has been collecting dust in my library for over 20 years. Recently a friend asked to borrow it, and I idly scanned its contents to refresh my memory before passing it on to her.

First, I would like to say I’m not even a feminist but this book is so politically incorrect in stereotyping genders I can’t believe it is still getting decent reviews.

The entire premise is based on John Gray’s theory that all women and men fit snuggly into categories of certain behavior. Men are basically strong, silent, problem solvers. They like to go into their man-cave and ponder life. They want to be needed. Their biggest fear is that women will not appreciate them, or worse - try to change them.

On the other hand, women are emotional people and not necessarily in a hurry to solve problems. They just like to talk about problems. They want emotional support and open communication.

The book offers many suggestions how to deal with different situations. It doesn’t suggest how to solve problems but merely offers methods to enhance communication and avoid arguments.

The solution boils down to a warning for women to never-never-never offer your male companion un-asked for advice – even if he is about to make a major mistake, or put himself in danger – and never force him to talk when he’s not in the mood. And, all you men out there – just sit quietly and listen to your woman and validate her feelings. Don’t offer solutions to her problems – just listen. Could this possibly lead to a more honest, sincere, intimate relationship? Life should be so simple!

Thank goodness I don’t have marital problems because I would hate to rely on John Gray’s advice.

I did ask my friend her opinion of "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" when she returned the book, and she basically made the same observation. She also recalled reading it many years ago, and concluded that it was a waste of time to read it again. She didn’t need a “self help” book to remind her that some controversial topics are just off limits. ( )

A guide to relationship communication. ( )

PArts of it make complete sense.. others dont! ( )

Hombres y mujeres parecen proceder de distintos planetas. Son biológicamente similares, usan las mismas palabras, comparten el mismo espacio geográfico; pero sus códigos de comportamiento, su idioma (lo que quieren expresar con sus palabras), sus valores existenciales... son distintos. Esta obra es tanto una guía para la comprensión de las actitudes y palabras del sexo opuesto como una propuesta para minimizar desde una perspectiva afectivamente positiva las consecuencias de los desencuentros. Un libro, pues, absolutamente necesario para quienes, viviendo en pareja o con deseos de hacerlo, quieren dar y obtener lo máximo de su amor

I received a recommendation for this book after I left a long relationship of several years, to learn from the "mistakes" that were in the system, that was the plot of the recommender.

In a very subjective view, it is challenging to read this book; he very much emphasizes the fact that women and men are different in the line of thought and even gives advice on how to behave with the other side. The ethical question is whether we are all alike to contain the functional vocabulary offered by the book? I recommend taking life tips not only in relationships between men and women but every relationship as well. Listen to the other side and not be ashamed to ask him to repeat it. It's not just that a man is different from a woman, but that we are different people from each other. The writer recommends towards the end of the book to write feelings, write desires, take out a page before we rush to get mad on the other side - it's an excellent idea. Then Let the page for some months and see that apart from the fact that people are different but that we are also changing. Men are different from women. It is true. There is a fundamental biological aspect that later explains the environmental impact to truly understand the difference and accept it patiently rather than in form.

All in all, the book is amiable and provides a perspective on the opposite sex to those who lack it. ( )

Surprisingly, this was a good read. ( )

The concept has so much truth. Helpful guide for us all. ( )

Couldn't finish ( )

I generally stay away from self-help books. Most of them are common sense anyway. I picked this one up one time out of curiosity, and to my surprise a lot of the chapters bring up excellent points. A bit of it is hit and miss and based on your perspective and to be taken with a grain of salt. Still, the chapters telling the differences between men and their silent phases, women needing to talk a lot on an emotional level, and arguments that arise and reasons behind them make a lot of sense. I saw signs of this in every relationship I've been in, and continue to see it when friends come to me with relationship troubles. Worth a read for sure. ( )

Good book :) Men's minds are so funny! I make mistakes all the time out of care! It is so funny to understand how the same situation could be so different for me to him. ( )

Good book :) Men's minds are so funny! I make mistakes all the time out of care! It is so funny to understand how the same situation could be so different for me to him. ( )

Insightful. A good perspective. I would recommend. ( )

Insightful. A good perspective. I would recommend. ( )