Introvert power. ( )

This book deepened my understanding of introverts. There are more of us out there than I realized. The author reveals the historical roots for the cultural bias toward extroversion in the U.S. -- a painful bias that I've endured my whole life. It's especially difficult as a child, lost in a sea of outgoing, talkative kids at school.

At least now, as an adult, I've overcome most of the shame. After years of practice, I actually like meeting new people, and have even become an award-winning Toastmaster! But the book explains why I always needed down time after my speeches. And I now know that my sensitivities and rich inner life are a blessing, not a curse. Though I do love being around lively extroverts -- I need and want them in my life -- but if given a choice for my own mind, I'd stay an introvert.

I read Elaine Aron's "The Highly Sensitive Person" years ago which was enormously helpful. It changed my life, actually. But this book "Quiet" is a great addition that broadens the subject and offers many extra insights to both introversion and sensitivity.

This book is highly recommended (by me) for introverts, but also for extroverts, to learn about their own traits -- like my daughter who can never stop talking! I love her energy, as long as I can get a quiet break! ( )

I really like what this book is doing. Its thesis is that the American ideal of extroversion leads to the marginalization of introverts and underestimation of their contributions to society. The author goes beyond that somewhat intuitive idea to lay bare the extent to which the extrovert ideal insidiously structures the way Americans interact in social and professional settings. That, together with her explanations for how introversion functions psychologically and patterns with other traits, explains a lot of my life. While the book has some of the endemic issues of pop social science--a lot of stories praising businessmen and politicians, the odd argument from folk tale or aphorism, and some rather creative metaphors--it did change the way I think about myself and my personality, and I'd recommend it to anyone who feels like their introversion has limited their ability to get by in life. ( )

Shhh, I'm taking some quiet time.

Kidding! I'll be honest. I avoided this book the first time it appeared, when the buzz had it popping up all over. But my introversion has been more than a bit disrespected lately and I was feeling a need for some affirmation. Alas, I'm not sure I found much helpful here.

Part One is 'The Extrovert Ideal,' and looks at how the change from the 18th century ideal of personality to 20th century cult of personality emphasized extroversion as a valuable workplace trait. I liked the concept of the two, as the cultural evolution from one to the other makes a great deal of sense, but I'm not sure how accurate that may be. I feel like Americans--and perhaps everyone--has always been responsive to extroverted, charismatic people. Actually, that highlights an error in Cain's thinking, that she frequently conflates traits. To give her credit, she admits from the beginning that there is no uniform definition of 'introversion.' At page 11, she finally defines her terms, but she unfortunately tends to define them in terms of examples:

"Still, today's psychologist tend to agree on several important points: for example, that introverts and extroverts differ in the level of outside stimulation that they need to function well. Introverts feel 'just right' with less stimulation, as when they sip wine with a close friend, solve a crossword puzzle, or read a book. Extroverts enjoy the extra bang that comes from activities like meeting new people, skiing slippery slopes, and cranking up the stereo.... Many psychologists would also agree that introverts and extroverts work differently. Extroverts tend to tackle assignments quickly. They make fast (sometimes rash) decisions, and are comfortable multitasking and risk-taking... Introverts often work more slowly and deliberately. They like to focus on one task at a time and can have mighty powers of concentration. They're relatively immune to the lures of wealth and fame."

It's some slippery stuff, because she ends up conflating a number of characteristics, and that's where it can get really fuzzy. This lack of specificity also means relying on anecdotes of how introversion is a helpful trait. Later in the book, she does bring in studies about 'reactivity,' a genetic-based trait that she prefers to call, 'sensitivity.' I've seen the term before, in [b:The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You|923950|The Highly Sensitive Person How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You|Elaine N. Aron|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320525063s/923950.jpg|908967], and a lot of it comes from research on reactiveness/responsiveness to stimulation and how that is then interpreted. To be sure, it's interesting stuff, but it doesn't necessarily apply to all introverts, as she points out, "about 70% of sensitive people are [introverts]" (page 145).

After backtracking to explain the evolutionary basis for selection of sensitivity, she then attempts to tie sensitivity and conscientiousness together. It's a thin, tenuous line to get from introverted to evolutionary sensitivity to conscientiousness and then imply that that's the kind of person you want in your company. As singular issues, each of these is well-presented. She usually cites one researcher and gives an example of a famous person who changed the world with this trait (Eleanor Roosevelt represented the introverted, sensitive and conscientious person). But it feels like both sloppy logic and false aggrandizement. As an introvert, I no more want to be 'special' for these qualities that presumably go with my genetic and personality tendencies than I want to be disrespected.

For no particularly good reason, except the fact that it described me better than I've ever been described before, I'm actually a fan of the Jungian-based personality assessment. I think I particularly responded to the Jungian analysis because rather than the two-axis basis, there's other traits that also affect how we interact with the world. I actually think there's quite a continuum between introversion and extroversion, and that these tendencies can be modified by learning, as Cain rightly points out in Section Two.

So, about Quiet. I don't think it really added anything to my understanding on introversion and extroversion. In fact, I think it fell into a more extroverted (as she would say) analysis of having to prove the worth of the trait and using famous figures to support her examples only added to that perception.

Quiet didn't give me the acknowledgement I was looking for, really, just a lot of cheerleading that I'm (still) a good person for being an introvert. Hopefully, for those new to discovering their introversion, this might encourage them to both understand and respect their approach. Just don't look for many tips.

Read this book if:

1) You suspect/know you are an introvert but feel badly about it
2) You are an extrovert who doesn't get why introverts don't just get out more.

For a more rigorous analysis, check out Kelly's review:

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/582721690?book_show_action=false&from_... ( )

I really enjoyed this book and am recommending it to as many people as I can. A lot of thought provoking things about personality types. ( )

Wow. This book explored a lot of valuable things about being an introvert, particularly in American culture.

Now it makes a lot more sense why, in some ways, I had more trouble moving back to the U.S. from Japan than I did moving to Japan in the first place.

It is still a struggle to feel acceptable in this loud, posturing, name-dropping, party-going culture (shudders), but this book brought me a long way toward quieting those negative voices that tell me I am not inviting people over enough, loving people enough, being friendly enough, etc.

It also helped me understand my husband better. He's about 99% introvert, whereas I have short-lived bouts of desire to communicate with the other humans.

On the downside: I can see that if an extrovert read this book, (s)he would probably feel kind of insulted. Also, all Asian-Americans are introverted math and science gods (okay, the author said maybe not all, but the rest of the time she wrote as though she meant all). ( )

I dunno what happened to my review from years ago, but the primary points I want to make are simple. 1. "Shy" is not the same as "introverted" and any individual can be either without being the other. 2. This is not a perfect book, and I think that a better one may be written right now... and one thing that would make it better would be having more of the most up-to-date neuropsychology because that is an evolving field. 3. People who are teachers, parents, spouses, colleagues, bosses, should read this, whether or not they themselves are shy, or introverted, or quiet. ( )

If you are an introvert or suspect you might be one, you should read this book. If you're not an introvert, you should also read this book. I have always thought of myself as an introvert, but it was often followed by the thought that I actually like talking to people and find it fairly easy. Cain really gets at the essence of what it means to be an introvert and the varying degrees of introvertedness--that there isn't a black/white to being introverted/extroverted.

For me, it helped me to understand and be OK with my personality as well as recognize that I can be extroverted when I need to be (although that also comes at a cost as she points out). More importantly, and one of my favorite parts of the book, was recognizing that our children may not be like us and that's OK--that a child no wanting to always "do stuff" doesn't mean they are shy or weird.

The book is fairly repetitive after a certain point, but I really enjoyed the examples and analysis that Cain did to create this book. She helped me to understand the inherent power that comes with being an introvert as well as how to "pretend" to be an extrovert sometimes (and this is necessary). ( )

Wonderful insight into the world of introverts (aka my world) ( )

I’ve been meaning to read this book for years, but the only copy in Cambridgeshire County Libraries is incredibly over-reserved. I’d been in the queue for more than a year when I found this copy in a charity shop. The cover and initial few pages contain hyperbolic praise from many individuals and newspapers, which I’m not sure is merited. The book brings together mostly neuroscience research about the phenomenon of introversion with personal anecdote, discussing how extroversion is held up as ideal. It is strongly grounded in North American cultural norms, which jar slightly for a UK person. For instance, I get the impression that Ivy League universities encourage/force extrovert behaviour to a much greater extent than Oxbridge does. As with the behavioural economics books that abound these days, the emphasis is very much on genetic and neuroscientific explanations of behaviour, rather than social and cultural factors. To be fair, Cain makes it clear that biology is not destiny and research suggests 40-50% of personality is genetic and the remainder environmental. However the discussion gives much more time to the former, based on small samples of people being placed in MRI machines. Matters of culture and society are mainly discussed in terms of a preference for extroversion, rather than in terms of how people come to be on the introvert spectrum. There is also considerable discussion of related but not equivalent characteristics like sensitivity.

Cards on the table, I am pretty darn introverted, but have never really felt that society is against me as a result. I don’t think I’ve been especially overlooked for being quiet - being a woman seems to have many more downsides. I didn’t feel especially vindicated or encouraged by the book, although it introduced me to some interesting concepts, like Free Trait Theory. I’d hoped for more insight into the theoretical antecedents of the introvert/extrovert spectrum and more detailed discussion of the debate on definitions. This debate is mentioned early on, but not in any depth. I also found it troubling that practically all the examples were from high-flying careers open only to a minority of people. This was clearly in part due to the nature of Cain’s qualitative data gathering, in her capacity as a consultant to such people. Nonetheless, it meant that the relevance of introversion in lower income jobs was overlooked and the book came off as rather elitist. It was accessibly written, though. I quite liked it, but mainly came away with the impressions that, a) American religious and business cultures are horrifying, b) blaming extroversion for the financial crisis is much less helpful than blaming the lack of effective regulation, c) I still don’t understand why more people fear public speaking than death. Do they not understand what death is?! ( )

In a Nutshell: Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert or an ambivert, this book will have something to help you understand yourself and those around you, thus creating a beautiful tandem between those who speak and those who just seek to listen.


Quite a few of us are introverts. (In fact, as bookworms, there is a good chance that most of us are introverts.) The constant refrain we hear from the bombastic world around us is: open up more, interact more, get out more. Is introversion a problem that can be “fixed” by forcing extroversion on our personalities? Is this really possible? More importantly, is this really necessary? Do we need more talkers in the world?

Susan Cain raises quite a few thought-provoking points in her debut work. Filled with psychological evidence, real-life anecdotes, and practical wisdom, this book brings up the importance of having introverts in every societal sphere: family, school, enterprises,… As a lifelong introvert, I was mesmerised by the content. There are so many instances where I yelled out a resounding “Yes!” because Cain’s words mirrored what I have felt all these years but never verbalised. Be it team-building exercises in the corporate world or group games in school, praise and worship in church or intermingling at parties with friends and acquaintances, the world is geared towards the extroverted spirit, and introverts are forced to mould themselves into what they are not. Why are introverts pressured into being more extroverted but not the other way around?

Most of the book, obviously, has points in support of introverts. While Cain doesn’t bash extroversion outright, quite a few of her data points show instances where introverts will function and perform far better than extroverts. Such instances have led certain reviewers to call this book “an ode to introversion” and “partial towards introverts.” In all honesty, it is so – it is a book about the value of introverts after all! But we've had enough books telling us about the power of speech and how to be friendly and talk to others and how to let go of shyness. Why can't we finally have a book that also tells us – the “quiet” introverts – that it's okay to be silent and to be yourself, that you are good as you are?

Every para of mine seems to be ending with a question! I guess all my repressed feelings on this topic are finally bursting out. ( )

One of the best books I’ve ever read! Susan Cain discussed intro/extroversion from a cultural perspective, the difference between the extrovert ideal in Western culture and the introvert ideal in Eastern one. Being an introvert myself, this book reasonates so much with me. It shows me my strengths and how I can live in an extroverted world, how to communicate with other extroverts and how to raise an introvert child. It helped me seeing the bigger picture, of how I am not a special snowflake, and that extro/introversion are only part of a human trait that help us survive until now as a race. ( )

Reading this has been an epiphany for me; I fit almost 100% into the description of an introvert. I wish someone had explained this to me years ago. Things that I thought were a problem are simply natural for the type of person I am. And there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Many of our greatest minds are and have been introverts. Now, if anyone tells me I should make more of an effort to socialize in big groups (where I do not feel comfortable), or learn how to chit chat about meaningless things, or stop being so serious or so sensitive, I can ignore them (or if I'm in a good mood, explain why that isn't necessary or true). Cain also explains about extroverts and how our society (most of western society) is prejudiced in favor of extroverts, how classrooms and open-plan offices are set up for them, and much more. As the blurb on the back says, "For far too long, those who are naturally quiet, serious or sensitive have been overlooked. The loudest have taken over -- even if they have nothing to say." ( )

This was quite a thought provoking book. I see a lot of myself in it. It's heartening to realize that introversion isn't a handicap. ( )

Very interesting indeed. ( )

Highly recommended for anyone who thinks they are weird because they don’t like being around people. This book explains the diversity of human nature and how so much of the external world is built just for the loud people. It will make you realize you’re not that weird after all. ( )

If you are an introvert reading this book will be like a validation of your whole life.

If you know an introvert, reading it will help you understand their behavior.

I wish that everyone I knew would read this book. ( )

Validating! ( )

Most impactful book I've read in a while. Anyone that considers them self even a little introverted should read this. And extroverts too! ( )

Too much anecdote and not enough fact. The author did cite studies but often in a way that was just too far-fetched. For example, the study about different types of people listening to music at different volumes mentions decibels without any explanation of the exponential scale so I suspect the author didn't even appreciate how her comments were too hard to swallow.

Too much padding. She describes walking into people's offices, what they were wearing, what was on their walls, etc. Who cares? Get to the point already! Remove all this unnecessary verbiage and the book could have been 50 pages and covered the material just as well. ( )

Well researched, well presented. ( )

I wouldn't normally read something verging on pop psychology, but Cain does an okay job evaluating her sources and has extremely important things to say about our cultural valuation of extroversion.

This book especially changed the way that I see introversion in the workplace / leadership roles. It also helped me understand what it might be like to be extremely sensitive to overstimulating environments (something that had previously made no sense to me, as I'm an extreme introvert and enjoy crowds and novel environments as long as I'm not expected to socialize).

Highly recommended to everyone, not just introverts! ( )

This book provides fresh insight on the qualities of the introverted personality. I saw many of my experiences reflected in the stories told here. Especially meaningful to me is the recognition that one need not struggle against one’s own personality limits; it is more fulfilling to seek new capacities while respecting one’s fundamental traits. Probably Cain’s greatest contribution is her critique of extroversion as a universal ideal fri success in life — a view particularly oppressive to the quiet people among us. ( )

Such an interesting book. Good to read for introverts; but will extroverts?

Nice to finally understand that the trait is at least partly genetic. Just wonder if intro is normal and extro an aberration? Probably both are needed, or we’d all be bred out of existence. ( )

Far too anecdotal; much of this book is journalism writ large. This encourages/demands skim-reading. ( )