Het huwelijk van een Nigeriaans echtpaar komt onder druk te staan als een zwangerschap uitblijft en de man van zijn familie een tweede vrouw krijgt. [Bibliotheek.nl]

This book took me through every emotion—hope, admiration, anger, heartbreak, frustration, and even disgust. Adébáyọ̀’s writing completely pulled me in, and I just couldn’t put it down. I had both the ebook and audiobook from the library and when I wasn’t reading, I was thinking about it. I finished the book in 2 days!

This book gives a great glimpse into Nigeria’s culture, traditions, and family dynamics—some of which are actually pretty similar to my own society. It made it easy for me to relate to what the characters were going through.

Stay with Me starts as a love story but quickly dives into darker themes like toxic masculinity, cultural pressures, and the intense struggles around motherhood. Infertility and its mental toll is the central theme, which could be triggering for some readers.

Yejide is a complex character who faces immense pressure to have children in a society that blames infertility solely on women and defines womanhood by motherhood.

As the story unfolds, her husband's secrets, the stress of infertility, and societal pressure push Yejide to her breaking point. She grapples with both imagined and real pregnancies, shifting from the isolation of being childless to the trauma of loss, ultimately shutting down emotionally and leaving Akin behind. Adébáyọ̀’s portrayal of Nigerian culture stands out, showing how tradition often gaslights women into silence and sacrifices.

Set against Nigeria’s political chaos from the 1980s to 2008, I think the novel beautifully contrasts public unrest with the characters' private struggles.

The storytelling is smooth and engaging. I like how Adébáyọ̀ sort of skips long descriptions and just dives right into the drama and dialogue, making the book feel sharp and to the point.

There are a few reasons why I couldn't give this book 5 stars. First, it's hard to believe that a university-educated grown woman who has access to a library to look for sickle cell disease is completely clueless about basic human reproductive physiology and is unable to suspect and look up impotence. Second, has NO ONE ever heard of artificial insemination? Not even the brilliant doctors treating Akin's condition? I am totally disgusted by the solution he came up with!!! And finally, how easily did Akin get away from both murder and attempted murder? He deserved punishment! I felt the ending was unfair to Yijide.

This book really drew me in and shook me. I get that people are willing to sacrifice a lot to have a child—and that’s totally their right—but crossing certain lines just feels wrong. Some mistakes come with a cost that can make us lose ourselves and our ability to love and care as human beings.

This book is great for readers who enjoy thought-provoking literary fiction, especially those interested in Nigerian culture. It may resonate with anyone navigating issues of fertility and identity, but be aware that it includes sensitive topics like infertility, terminal illness, death, and mental health, which might be triggering for some. ( )

What a wonderful, wonderful book. When Ms Ayobami came to Nairobi in February this year, it was a packed event at the Goethe-Institut Nairobi and ashamedly, I had not read her book yet but still listened to her and Ms Zukiswa and Ms Aleya as they discussed their books. They were all gracious enough to omit spoilers in their discussion so as to spare the unfortunate lot that was those like me that had not read it and did quite a good job, because nothing prepared me for the ride that was this book.

Told in the voices of Akin and Yejide, this is a story of a tumultuous marriage and the pains and joys that accompany parenthood. Ayobami has molded such living and complex characters in Akin, the husband and Yejide, the wife to make such a gripping and moving book. A fantastic story which demanded patience at some points and attention in its twists and turns but rewarding to the very end. ( )

This story is about a young Nigerian couple who desperately want children and the lengths they will go to make it happen. I know many women are consumed by wanting to be a mother and this book makes me relieved that I am not one of them.

Recommended but this one is quite sad so pick it up with that in mind.


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This book was quickly engaging. I was hooked right away. Although the story centered on aspects that are foreign to me the author shows that relations are difficult no matter what the background and traditions are. I don't know that I loved any of the characters but I did care about them and wanted a happy ending. That wasn't really the purpose though. I think it was really a reflection on relationships and love. The inability of any of them to effectively communicate with each other was the root of so many problems and I think that is universal. Like I said I would have enjoyed a deeper connection to the characters so I would be a bit more invested but it wasn't necessary just my preference. ( )

The feelings I felt! So overwhelming and visceral, I groaned and paced and shouted. Stay With Me touches so many important themes about marriage, motherhood, culture and politics, mental illness, societal expectations, toxic masculinity, weaponized family bonds and sense of belonging, love, and fear and so much more. Yet, it just felt like the story of Yejide and Akin. Adebayo is amazingly talented, I can’t wait to read more of her work. ( )

Listened to audio and I am so glad I did! ( )

When a young wife doesn‘t get pregnant, her mother-in-law forces a second wife into the marriage. This starts the narrative in which secrets are peeled back like an onion. In a culture where women‘s sole role is to bear babies, and the young wife wants to be independent (& the only wife) sad and disastrous things can happen. This is a dark book about sex and its dysfunction. ( )

The blurb on this book is a little misleading. I expected a book about a Nigerian couple going against the tradition of multiple marriages. Unfortunately, this is only a small part of the story. The rest of it involves lots of suffering. It is primarily the story Yejide and her husband, Akin, struggling with infertility and loss. It is told in alternating perspectives and multiple timelines from the 1980s to 2000s.

I enjoyed the author’s writing style, but there are a few issues with the construction. The characters are somewhat thin, and act in ways that are puzzling. The plot contains numerous holes, which become glaring by the end. One plot twist is completely unbelievable, and in fact, is negated several chapters later. I think it would have worked better for me if there were moments of lightness to offset the oppressive misery.
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A young Nigerian couple meet at University in Ife, fall in love, and get married. The woman is a virgin, having promised herself that she would wait till she was married, so it's easy for her husband to fool her into thinking that it's her fault that after 4 years she has not gotten pregnant.
her in-laws take matters into their own hands. (Her own mother had died at her birth.) they secretly marry her husband to another woman, hoping that he would get her pregnant. Their whole world revolved around having grandchildren.
One day they brought the other wife over to yejide's house. Yejide was such an obedient daughter-in-law, that she raised no fuss. However, the lunch that she fixed for them had beans that were 3 days old.
2017 Hardcover Borzoi Books, Alfred A. Knopf
P.14-15:
"I stifled the urge to pull out funmi's Jheri curls because she slipped into the front seat beside my husband and pushed the small cushion I always kept there to the floor. I clenched my fists as akin drove away, leaving me alone in the cloud of dust he had raised.
'what did you feed them?' Akin shouted.
'Bridegroom, welcome back,' I said. I had just finished eating my dinner. I picked up the plates and headed for the kitchen.
'You know they all have diarrhea now? I had to park by a bush for them to s***. A bush!' he said, following me into the kitchen.
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This short book packs a helluva punch. There hasn’t been a book in recent memory that has elicited so many audible gasps or exclamations of surprise from me. The hype for this book is well-deserved and explains why book reviewers say very little to preserve the twists and turns. Still, it wasn’t entirely perfect. I had a really hard time reconciling Yejide’s actions throughout the novel with the end of the book, which felt abrupt, cold and confusing to me. ( )

Set in 1980s and 1990s mostly, Akin and Yejide are a progressive couple. But after 4 years of marriage, the meddling families procure a 2nd wife for Akim, convinced that Yejide is barren. Unbeknownst to the elders, Akin's brother becomes the "sperm donor" and Yejide give birth to two children, both of whom die from Sickle Cell disease. Convinced that Rotimi has the same fate, Yejide leaves her behind believing that she has died in a sickle crisis while with Akim during a military uprising. So sad that the elders still have certain beliefs and Akim can't talk to Yejide to say his brother was sleeping with her because he asked him to, so she could have children. ( )

This is a readable, plot-filled book with many twists and turns. I enjoyed it and was blind-sided by it a couple of times, but did find the plot a bit much at times, there was no breather from it! There is an interesting backdrop of civil unrest in Nigeria and it is evocative of the place and time, but I might have liked a bit more of that at the expense of a twist or two. ( )

Absolutely wonderful. This debut is similar to Fates and Furies in that it explores the lies, misunderstandings, and assumptions that affect a couple’s marriage, but Yejide and Akin are depicted in a gentler, more compassionate fashion. The issue of infertility particularly makes this book ideal for discussions. ( )

3.5 Good story

3.5 Good story

About the plot from Goodreads:
Yejide is hoping for a miracle, for a child. It is all her husband wants, all her mother-in-law wants, and she has tried everything - arduous pilgrimages, medical consultations, dances with prophets, appeals to God. But when her in-laws insist upon a new wife, it is too much for Yejide to bear. It will lead to jealousy, betrayal, and despair.

Firstly I thought that polygamy would be the main topic of the book. But it is more focused on the meaning of children in the marriage. The story is told from both Akin and his wife Yejide. I liked it because it was quite important to know views of them both. Sometimes it was a little bit confusing because it wasn't stated at the beginning of the chapter whose part it is.

It was also very interesting to get more acquainted with African culture, sometimes I was quite shocked.

I gave this book 5 stars, but can't even say why. I know only that I was reliving it all the time when not reading, talking about this story a lot with my husband and was very happy to continue reading any time I could. The story isn't emotionally easy to read but it's worth it.
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Please see my full review at www.coffeeandtrainspotting.wordpress.com.

I received a copy of this book free from the publisher via NetGalley.com in exchange for an honest review. ( )

Except for ending ( )

This is a well-written novel and well-read audio edition. Thematically it is a tale about the adjacency of contemporary ways and long traditions in present day Nigeria. More specifically this is the story of a marriage of a young and educated couple. As such, I found myself getting tired of their inability to communicate or empathize with each other. That is, I think, a marker of my advancing age: some of the passions of youth are annoying, and make me want to smack the characters. It is an interesting story, but in the end I was unconvinced. ( )

I'm really surprised this a first novel.
This was not at all what I expected. I opened it to get a feel for it for a possible co-read with a friend. Before I realized it I was 25% into the story and could not stop. I was expecting a story about jealousy but really this was about so very much. Love, loss, lies, family and community expectations, secrets, shame, such complex issues handled with care and respect.
This was beautifully done. ( )

When I was very young and just beginning to read some of my favorite stories were fairy tales, mostly from the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen. I mention this because at two points in this novel by the Nigerian author, Ayobami Adebayo, there are tales told by two of the characters that are important to the story as a whole; in a sense connecting two halves of the novel.

Told in the first person by Yejide and Akin (they narrate separate chapters, a choice that provides insight into their differing views of many situations), a married couple living in Nigeria, the novel explores their marriage and family relationships in a culture that seems very different from that in which I was raised (although the presence of the Anglican Church does provide one familiar institution while leading to a bit of cognitive dissonance when set beside the acceptability of polygamy in their culture). The two marriage partners are very much in love with one another. Yejide's mother is dead and her father’s other wives do not regard her with affection. Meeting Akin changes her life and she becomes happier as she is courted and marries him. In spite of trying for some time the couple fail to conceive a child, and Akin is forced into marrying another girl named Funmi to continue his bloodline. A major theme is the pressure to have children, primarily emanating from Moomi, Akin's mother. Above all, however, there are the different views of marriage and love that are held by Yejide and Akin, but also by the other family members.

Stay With Me presents the emotional trauma of the characters while, subtlely in the background, there is political unrest in the country. However, ever present is the expectation of having offspring. For Akin this seems to be the only way in which he will be accepted as a man by the society. Major themes include the experience of being childless, the guilt of not fulfilling societal obligations and the psychological impact of not getting pregnant; these are complicated by the deaths of two of Yejide's children. Through it all, the author also presents the question of the society’s expectation of a man. The husband, Akin, is under pressure to provide babies and he makes choices that raise questions about the nature and importance of the members of his extended family. Funmi, while acceptable in a culture that approves of polygamy, can still be seen as a shadowy figure whose very presence is disruptive from Yejide's point of view. One of the best parts of the novel was the relationship between Akin and his brother Dotun. Their difficulties and the impact on Yejide provided some of the best moments in the story.

Overall, Stay With Me was a moving and thought-provoking look at the challenges of married life and family relationships. The presence of cultural differences between generations added to the realism and beauty of the novel. I enjoyed the way that the author was able to balance disappointment with joy leading to a satisfying ending. ( )

Review can also be found in Chill and read


“Stay with me” is the debut novel of Ayobami Adebayo, a very charismatic Nigerian writer. The story is set in the Nigeria of the eighties. The two heroes of the book are Yejide and Akin. The met while in college and fell in love for each other instantly. Their story is the one described in this book, making us all to think who life can be.

Yejide, is a young girl that has lost her mother at birth. Her father has married other women to help raise her and bring up more children, but none of them ever made into her mother, not that any of them really tried. She was a burden on them, and they never hugged her along with their children. Therefore, Yejide decided she was not the polygamist kind and she made that clear to Akin early in their relationship. They were very in love and devoted to each other. They have tried, but they could not bear any children, and this is when it all started to go bad. Yejide has tried everything in order to get pregnant. She even accepted Akin being married to another woman, only to be deceived by the man she loved.

The writer provides a part of Nigeria’s turbulent history in the 80s, through their heroes’ story. She reveals the customs and the way of thinking at the time and maybe even today, in a simply and comfort manner. This story is all about relationships. It is about what it takes to be in love with someone. What it means to trust another person only to fond out that it is not the one you knew to be. It is a story of power over weakness, of love over cunning, of sacrifice over control. It is about motherhood and unconditional love. It is about grief and dealing with it, trying not to hurt the people you love.

Adebayo is a writer that has many to say in a beautiful prose. She has come to stay. she is claiming her position in the writing world and she is going to get one and stick to it. Better keep in eye on her and her books to come!

ARC received courtesy of Canongate Books via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review. ( )

This book is a bit odd. I was expecting it to be different as its about a different culture and the subject is unusual for those of us in the Western world. But it was hard to follow, i wasn't sure whose POV i was reading as this changed with each chapter. A moving subject but conversations were not thorough, it felt that more should be said. ( )

I liked but did not love this the first time I read it, but it stayed in my head and so I read it again and liked it even more. You think you know how this book might go from the description, but you have no idea. Its twists and turns keep it engaging, and the characters and their relationships had me invested. An examination of political turmoil, the pressure of family expectations, what love can overcome and what it can't. ( )