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I'm Afraid of Men (2018)

by Vivek Shraya

Other authors: See the other authors section.

MembersReviewsPopularityAverage ratingMentions
3181787,550 (4.07)3
"A powerful meditation on the damaging effects of masculinity from a trans girl--a writer with celebrated indie roots and a knack for dismantling assumptions and challenging the status quo. Toxic masculinity takes many insidious forms, from misogyny and sexual harassment to homophobia, transphobia, and bullying. Vivek Shraya has firsthand experience with nearly all of them. As a boy, Vivek exhibited "feminine" qualities. The men in her life immediately and violently disapproved. They taught her to fear the word girl by turning it into a weapon used to hurt her. They taught her to hate her femininity, to destroy the best parts of herself. In order to survive, Vivek had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As a girl, she's still afraid. Having spent years undoing the damage and salvaging her lost girlhood, she is haunted by the violence of men, seldom dressing the way she wants in public. As a result she is often still perceived as male, stirring feelings of guilt and self-doubt: Am I not feminine enough? Is this my fault for striving to be the perfect man and excelling at it? I'm Afraid of Men is a culmination of the years Vivek spent observing men and creating her own version of manhood. Through deeply personal reflection, she offers a rare and multifaceted perspective on gender and a hopeful reimagining of masculinity at a time when it's needed more than ever."--… (more)
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» See also 3 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 17 (next | show all)
This is in the same mental category as "Everyone Should Be A Feminist," but much much better executed. ( )
  caedocyon | Feb 23, 2024 |
In this short book comprised of a single essay, Vivek Shraya reflects on the various ways men and masculinity have made her fearful, from experiences in childhood, to her time in her twenties as a gay man, to her time coming out as a trans woman in her thirties. In the process she reflects on how we might approach gender in the 21st century and how it has the potential to improve the experiences of everyone regardless of their gender expression. While the book is only a brief 85 pages, it's a thought-provoking read with plenty of ideas to unpack and consider. ( )
  MickyFine | Oct 14, 2022 |
A very short but really thought provoking read. Glad I saw this recommended on ‘Bookstagram’ as I don’t think I would have come across it otherwise. ( )
  thewestwing | Aug 12, 2022 |
I'm afraid of the people who read this book and somehow don't connect with this book in one meaningful way or another. ( )
  DominiqueDavis | Aug 9, 2022 |
Showing 1-5 of 17 (next | show all)
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» Add other authors (1 possible)

Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Vivek Shrayaprimary authorall editionscalculated
Ayotte, ZacharyAuthor photographersecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Griffiths, JenniferBook and cover designersecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
Richardson, C. S.Cover designersecondary authorsome editionsconfirmed
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I'm afraid of men because it was men who taught me fear.
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"A powerful meditation on the damaging effects of masculinity from a trans girl--a writer with celebrated indie roots and a knack for dismantling assumptions and challenging the status quo. Toxic masculinity takes many insidious forms, from misogyny and sexual harassment to homophobia, transphobia, and bullying. Vivek Shraya has firsthand experience with nearly all of them. As a boy, Vivek exhibited "feminine" qualities. The men in her life immediately and violently disapproved. They taught her to fear the word girl by turning it into a weapon used to hurt her. They taught her to hate her femininity, to destroy the best parts of herself. In order to survive, Vivek had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As a girl, she's still afraid. Having spent years undoing the damage and salvaging her lost girlhood, she is haunted by the violence of men, seldom dressing the way she wants in public. As a result she is often still perceived as male, stirring feelings of guilt and self-doubt: Am I not feminine enough? Is this my fault for striving to be the perfect man and excelling at it? I'm Afraid of Men is a culmination of the years Vivek spent observing men and creating her own version of manhood. Through deeply personal reflection, she offers a rare and multifaceted perspective on gender and a hopeful reimagining of masculinity at a time when it's needed more than ever."--

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