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What My Mother and I Don't Talk About: Fifteen Writers Break the Silence

by Michele Filgate (Editor)

Other authors: Andre Aciman (Contributor), Julianna Baggott (Contributor), Sari Botton (Contributor), Alexander Chee (Contributor), Melissa Febos (Contributor)9 more, Cathi Hanauer (Contributor), Leslie Jamison (Contributor), Dylan Landis (Contributor), Kiese Laymon (Contributor), Carmen Maria Machado (Contributor), Bernice L McFadden (Contributor), Nayomi Munaweera (Contributor), Lynn Steger Strong (Contributor), Brandon Taylor (Contributor)

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285698,575 (3.75)2
Biography & Autobiography. Nonfiction. HTML:"You will devour these beautifully written—and very important—tales of honesty, pain, and resilience" (Elizabeth Gilbert, New York Times bestselling author of Eat Pray Love and City of Girls) from fifteen brilliant writers who explore how what we don't talk about with our mothers affects us, for better or for worse.
As an undergraduate, Michele Filgate started writing an essay about being abused by her stepfather. It took her more than a decade to realize that she was actually trying to write about how this affected her relationship with her mother. When it was finally published, the essay went viral, shared on social media by Anne Lamott, Rebecca Solnit, and many others. This gave Filgate an idea, and the resulting anthology offers a candid look at our relationships with our mothers.

Leslie Jamison writes about trying to discover who her seemingly perfect mother was before ever becoming a mom. In Cathi Hanauer's hilarious piece, she finally gets a chance to have a conversation with her mother that isn't interrupted by her domineering (but lovable) father. André Aciman writes about what it was like to have a deaf mother. Melissa Febos uses mythology as a lens to look at her close-knit relationship with her psychotherapist mother. And Julianna Baggott talks about having a mom who tells her everything.

As Filgate writes, "Our mothers are our first homes, and that's why we're always trying to return to them." There's relief in acknowledging how what we couldn't say for so long is a way to heal our relationships with others and, perhaps most important, with ourselves.

Contributions by Cathi Hanauer, Melissa Febos, Alexander Chee, Dylan Landis, Bernice L. McFadden, Julianna Baggott, Lynn Steger Strong, Kiese Laymon, Carmen Maria Machado, André Aciman, Sari Botton, Nayomi Munaweera, Brandon Taylor, and Leslie Jamison..
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» See also 2 mentions

Showing 1-5 of 6 (next | show all)
naturally, some of these hit harder than others. i felt a deep kinship with everyone writing about how they desperately wished to know their mother more- the depth of her life before becoming a mother, her dreams and aspirations, the other paths she chose not to wander down. reading this both soothed and exacerbated the ache inside of me. ( )
  bisexuality | Mar 3, 2024 |
This book started off as 5 stars all the way, but unfortunately I feel like the editor organized it from the best essay to the worst. However, despite that, I really liked that this book focused on a much under-scrutinized relationship. There are some renowned authors here, and I think they do a great job of conveying the tension between maternal love and the many mistakes that mothers make.

As a mother myself, I often wonder about the mistakes I have made and whether my children will forgive them. I wonder that because my own relationship with my mother was not smooth and has lead to a strained relationship even to this day. This book made me feel more forgiving and also made me hope I will be forgiven.

I would love to see an equivalent book "What My Child and I Don't Talk About" from the mothers' perspective.

( )
  Anita_Pomerantz | Mar 23, 2023 |
I will admit both the title and the concept of this book intrigued me. As a grown woman who still wonders about the relationship with her own mother and where exactly it went wrong, it was an interesting find. Unfortunately, not all but I was left with nothing more than petty, and sometimes annoying revelations. ( )
  Jennifer-Hettenbach | Feb 3, 2020 |
These stories of Mothers were beautifully written, dark, heartbreaking, and hopeful. ( )
  EllenH | Sep 13, 2019 |
I appreciated this book's honesty, but wasn't wowed by it. ( )
1 vote sp12295 | Sep 5, 2019 |
Showing 1-5 of 6 (next | show all)
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» Add other authors

Author nameRoleType of authorWork?Status
Filgate, MicheleEditorprimary authorall editionsconfirmed
Aciman, AndreContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Baggott, JuliannaContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Botton, SariContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Chee, AlexanderContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Febos, MelissaContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Hanauer, CathiContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Jamison, LeslieContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Landis, DylanContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Laymon, KieseContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Machado, Carmen MariaContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
McFadden, Bernice LContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Munaweera, NayomiContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Strong, Lynn StegerContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
Taylor, BrandonContributorsecondary authorall editionsconfirmed
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Epigraph
Because it is a thousand pities never to say what one feels... -Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway
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For Mimo and Nana
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First words
On the first cold day of November, when it was so frigid that I finally needed to accept the fact that it was time to take my winter coat out of the closet, I had a craving for something warm and savory. -Introduction, Michele Filgate
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Lacuna: an unfilled space or interval, a gap. -What My Mother and I Don't Talk About, Michele Filgate
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Biography & Autobiography. Nonfiction. HTML:"You will devour these beautifully written—and very important—tales of honesty, pain, and resilience" (Elizabeth Gilbert, New York Times bestselling author of Eat Pray Love and City of Girls) from fifteen brilliant writers who explore how what we don't talk about with our mothers affects us, for better or for worse.
As an undergraduate, Michele Filgate started writing an essay about being abused by her stepfather. It took her more than a decade to realize that she was actually trying to write about how this affected her relationship with her mother. When it was finally published, the essay went viral, shared on social media by Anne Lamott, Rebecca Solnit, and many others. This gave Filgate an idea, and the resulting anthology offers a candid look at our relationships with our mothers.

Leslie Jamison writes about trying to discover who her seemingly perfect mother was before ever becoming a mom. In Cathi Hanauer's hilarious piece, she finally gets a chance to have a conversation with her mother that isn't interrupted by her domineering (but lovable) father. André Aciman writes about what it was like to have a deaf mother. Melissa Febos uses mythology as a lens to look at her close-knit relationship with her psychotherapist mother. And Julianna Baggott talks about having a mom who tells her everything.

As Filgate writes, "Our mothers are our first homes, and that's why we're always trying to return to them." There's relief in acknowledging how what we couldn't say for so long is a way to heal our relationships with others and, perhaps most important, with ourselves.

Contributions by Cathi Hanauer, Melissa Febos, Alexander Chee, Dylan Landis, Bernice L. McFadden, Julianna Baggott, Lynn Steger Strong, Kiese Laymon, Carmen Maria Machado, André Aciman, Sari Botton, Nayomi Munaweera, Brandon Taylor, and Leslie Jamison..

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