|
|
Loading... Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (edition 2006)
|
|
| Canonical title |
|
| Original title |
|
| Alternative titles |
|
| Original publication date |
|
| People/Characters |
|
| Important places |
|
| Important events |
|
| Related movies |
|
| Epigraph |
CAVEAT
Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home.  | |
|
| Dedication |
The authors would like to join the demon Crowley in dedicating this book to the memory of
G. K. CHESTERTON
A man who knew what was going on. | |
|
| First words |
It was a nice day. | |
|
| Quotations |
It'd be a funny old world, he reflected, if demons went round trusting one another. And there was never an apple, in Adam's opinion, that wasn't worth the trouble you got into for eating it. In one sense there was just clear air overhead. In another, stretching off to infinity, were the hosts of Heaven and Hell, wingtip to wingtip. If you looked really closely, and had been specially trained, you could tell the difference. The book was commonly known as the Buggre Alle This Bible. The lengthy compositor's error, if such it may be called, occurs in the book of Ezekiel, chapter 48, verse five....
5. Buggre Alle this for a Larke. I amme sick to mye Hart of typefettinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges noe more than a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I tell you, onne a daye laike thif Ennywone withe half an oz. of Sense shoulde bee oute in the Sunneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the liuelong daie inn thif mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workefhoppe. @ *"AE@;!* The Buggre Alle This Bible was also noteworthy for having twenty-seven verses in the third chapter of Genesis, instead of the more usual twenty-four.
They followed verse 24, which in the King James version reads:
"So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life," and read:
25 And the Lord spake unto the Angel that guarded the eastern gate, saying Where is the flaming sword which was given unto thee?
26 And the Angel said, I had it here only a moment ago, I must have put it down some where, forget me own head next.
27 And the Lord did not ask him again.
It appears that these verses were inserted during the proof stage. In those days it was common practice for printers to hang proof sheets to the wooden beams outside their shops, for the edification of the populace and some free proofreading, and since the whole print run was subsequently burned anyway, no one bothered to take up this matter with the nice Mr. A. Ziraphale, who ran the bookshop two doors along and was always so helpful with the translations, and whose handwriting was instantly recognizable. A man threw himself through the window, a knife between his teeth, a Kalashnikov automatic rifle in one hand, a grenade in the other.
“I glaim gis otegi id der gaing og der—” he paused. He took the knife out of his mouth and began again. “I claim this hotel in the name of the pro-Turkish Liberation Faction!”
The last two holidaymakers remaining on the island* climbed underneath their table. Red unconcernedly withdrew the maraschino cherry from her drink, put it to her scarlet lips, and sucked it slowly off its stick in a way that made several men in the room break into a cold sweat.
The pianist stood up, reached into his piano, and pulled out a vintage sub-machine gun. “This hotel has already been claimed by the pro-Greek Territorial Brigade!” he screamed. “Make one false move, and I shoot out your living daylight!”
There was a motion at the door. A huge, black-bearded individual with a golden smile and a genuine antique Gatling gun stood there., with a cohort of equally huge although less impressively armed men behind him.
“This strategically important hotel, for years a symbol of the fascist imperialist Turko-Greek running dog tourist trade, is now the property of the Italo-Maltese Freedom Fighters!” he boomed affably. “Now we kill everybody!”
*Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Threlfall, of 9 The Elms, Paignton. They always maintained that one of the nice things about going on holiday was not having to read the newspapers or listen to the news, just getting away from it all really. It meant that Crowley had been allowed to develop Manchester, while Aziraphale had a free hand in the whole of Shropshire. | |
|
| Last words |
|
| Disambiguation notice |
This work represents the book Good Omens. Please note that there is an unabridged audiobook edition, the narrators of which include Michael Sheen and David Tennant; please be careful not to combine this work with any adaptation (such as the TV adaptation starting Michael Sheen and David Tennant). | |
|
| Publisher's editors |
|
| Blurbers |
|
| Original language |
|
| Canonical DDC/MDS |
|
| Canonical LCC |
|
|
Current DiscussionsNone Google Books — Loading... Swap (1 have, 637 want) |
(4.25)
4