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Brides of the Impaler

by Edward Lee

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1424202,504 (2.91)4
The nuns in a NYC convent are actually vampires intent on resurrecting Dracula himself!
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I have a bad habit of letting book covers sway me one way or the other. I almost didnt read this cause I just didnt like the cover. Boy am I glad I did. Grabbed me from page 1 and never let go. I am truly hoping there is a sequel in the works! ( )
  SenoraG163 | Sep 10, 2011 |
I have nothing good to say about this book. I was hopeful the link to Vlad the Impaler would bring about an interesting story line, but was sadly disappointed. The entire driving force was some ridiculous sexual premise that was more like a bad porno than interesting fiction. ( )
  klarsenmd | Mar 9, 2010 |
First the facts: The prologue has a professor and a grad student going to the monastery Dracula died at, and dying in an earthquake. The story focuses on Cristina and her husband Paul. They move into a brownstone in NYC that had been owned by the Catholic Church. As soon as they move in, Cristina gets very horny and wants to have sex all the time. Cristina is a creepy collectible doll designer who came from an abusive foster home. Cristina's foster sister, Britt, is married to Paul's law firm partner. We also read the perspectives of police detectives Vernon and Slouch, a Catholic priest named Father Rollin, a drug dealer named Doke, security guards Laura and Genser, and four crazy homeless prostitutes. Cristina has creepy dreams about a crazy nun, a dead prostitute is found impaled with strange writing and lines on her body and one of Cristina's dolls in her pocket. Churches get broken into and vandalized, desecrated with words in a strange language. More people get impaled...the detectives try to solve the case...the prostitutes worship the nun...Cristina gets weird...

Now, I'll describe why it sucked: It seemed like it was written by a horny thirteen year old boy. Lee described the boobs of every woman that came into the story. There was a lot of graphic sex. Lots of sexual dreams. The horror was sparse and not scary at all. The story line moved as slow as molasses. True to Lee's usual tricks, we also have characters dreaming of a grotto in hell and at least one woman described as "built like a brick sh1thouse"*. It was about 60% sex, 25% plot, 15% horror. Lee should remember that in a horror book, there should be more horror than sex. The book was disappointing, thinly veiled erotica, and not worth reading.
*when I read that phrase, it brings to mind someone heavy and short. Apparently it refers to an attractive female, though it certainly doesn't sound like a complement to me. ( )
  unmainstreammom | Mar 10, 2009 |
Agree with Daddygoth's review (message #22). Not enough gore, too much sex and an abrupt ending. Although, the story kept me engrossed and I liked the ending, it was just over so fast! ( )
  skauternator | Sep 21, 2008 |
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For Wendy Brewer, my infernal angel
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Fredrick flinched likes a sudden chill, and behind his closed eyes he saw a nude woman impaled upside down through the mouth on a twenty foot pike.....
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